ADDICTED TO SELFIES

[Anthony] But first, let me take a selfie! [Ian] SHUT UUUP! My strange addiction My name is Anthony and everyone keeps telling me I’m addicted to taking selfies. [scoffs] They must be addicted to being stupid because I hardly ever take selfies. [camera snaps] Anthony’s life partner, Ian, is the only one that knows the full extend of Anthony’s problem. He invited us over to see if we could help before Anthony’s addiction goes too far. First off, uh, I’m not Anthony’s life partner. Just to get that out of the way. But, anyway, yes, he is definitely addicted to taking selfies. I mean, everyday he’s taking shirtless photos of himself with his cat. And when he’s not at home, he’s taking shirtless selfies of himself with just other random cats on the street! Yeah, gotta get my cat selfie! It’s not even real! – [Anthony grunts]
– [old woman] Aw, Pussy! – Oooh, heh.
– [camera snaps] Anthony spends 17 hours a day deciding
which filter he’s going to use. That’s over 6,000 hours a week. That’s almost the same height
as a Brontosaurus. I’m just afraid his problem is spiraling out of control. #IanTalkin’Smack! – [camera snaps]
– [sighing] He’s even taking part in all the stupid new selfie trends. #Aftersex! #Afterpooooop! #AfterWorkoutBuuuutt! #AfterMurder. In an act of desperation, Ian has enlisted Anthony’s girlfriend
to help with the intervention. My mom is not Anthony’s girlfriend. Psh! If I say it enough, it might come true! Heh hah! #AfterMarriageYou’llBeMySon! [camera snaps] They’ve asked us to leave the room so they
can have a heart to heart with Anthony. But we stayed in the room anyway. Come on, man! Please stop taking selfies. I mean, both of us are here – because we want to help–
– Fine! I won’t take anymore selfies. Give me the phone then. [sighing] Thank you. And that one! Anthony has taken 565 Gigabytes worth of selfies. If Gigabytes were hamburger bites,
you could feed 7 million midgets in New York city. Hamburgers aren’t made of ham
and that really confuses me. Anthony’s rehab is going kinda like sh*t. All you have to do is take a picture of the food just like any normal Asian would. ♪ [intense music] ♪ I can’t! Urgh! #AfterIEatThisI’mGonnaTakeA
#AfterPoopSelfieeeee! [camera snaps] So I just need to take a picture of you with another person, alright? – [Anthony grunts]
– [lady shrieks] #ICan’tStop! [camera snaps] As a last ditch effort, Ian has decided
to offer 6 US dollars to make Anthony stop taking selfies. I like taking baths with 6 naked Persian m– G-Goddamn it, Jerry! Don’t write that sh-t! [getting whiny] Mom doesn’t know yet! Alright, I cleared out my entire college fund– What the hell are you doing?! I’m gonna cut my body off and take a selfie of my head just rolling around! #AfterCuttingMyBodyOffSelfieeee! Stop! If you don’t do this, I’ll actually be your girlfriend. Really?! Really?! F*ck no! Whew. Hey, Anthony? This time you’ve taken it too far. #ILoveYou! #NotInAGayWay. All I ever wanted was for someone to love me. #NotInAGayWay. Promise me you’ll never take another selfie again? Promise! [melodramatic sobbing] #I’mTotallyLying.
I’m going to keep taking selfies forever and Ian can’t hear me ’cause – his hearing sucks!
– What? #Nothing. [camera snaps repetitively] You know, I’m so glad Anthony finally got over his addiction. Maybe now he can actually contribute to society like I do by taking pictures of my balls. Alright, here we–[scoffs] Who put these freaking balls in the way?! There we go! – [camera snaps repetitively]
– Mmm-hmm! Perfect! If you know someone who’s addicted
to taking selfies, please send them this video before it’s too late. Or just tell them to stop being
such a narcissistic asshole! [Ian] Hey, guys. If you wanna see bloopers from this video and this… #AllAboardTheScrotBoat! ..click the video on the left. (Anthony) And if you want to see us play Pokemon Stadium for the N64,
yeah the original one, click the video on the right. You’ll love it. Your [Voltzorben] in your pants will use
self destruct and explode. – [laughter]
– Bart Asian, use ball punch! [groaning] It was super effective! [Anthony] #ClickTheSubscribeButton
AndWe’llLoveYouTillTheDay ThatWeDieAndWe’llAlwaysLoveYou
AndWe’llWriteLettersToYouEveryday BecauseWeLoveYouExceptWeWon’t
BecauseWeKindaLoveYou, ButWeDon’tKnowYouButWuh…We…Uh…
ReallyWantYouToSuscribe! [Ian] Yeah, that one’s totally
gonna trend on Twitter.