Coronavirus State of Emergencies, Cheap Flights and Cancellations

Coronavirus State of Emergencies, Cheap Flights and Cancellations

-You guys, we’re so glad
he’s here. Bernie Sanders is my guest
tonight. [ Cheers ]
Senator — [ Applause ] And this is nice. Backstage he said that he
watches me every night when he gets up to pee. Isn’t that nice?
I thought that was so — I thought that was —
-That’s really cool. -Last night was
Super Tuesday 2.0, and it was a rough one
for Bernie. The only person who
had a worse night was “The Bachelor’s” mom, Barb. Oh, my God.
[ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Wow.
-Well, guys, everyone is still talking about the Coronavirus. Now listen to this.
I saw that President Trump has now appointed Treasury
Secretary Steve Mnuchin to handle Coronavirus relief
talks. Can we see Steve Mnuchin?
Yeah. So don’t worry, everybody. Our future is now in the hands
of adult McLovin. So everything’s —
[ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Of course, the airline
industry’s also in trouble, but I read that
some young people are taking advantage of cheap
flights and booking trips. [ Cheers and applause ] No! No! No! In one article,
a girl actually said, “If I die, I die.” [ Laughter ] Meanwhile, that’s also the
slogan for Spirit Airlines. And that’s just —
[ Laughter ] That’s bad.
That’s bad. -That’s not true. -And now a state of
emergency has been declared in over a dozen states,
including Massachusetts. That’s in addition to the one
already in place over Tom Brady possibly
leaving the Patriots. [ Laughter ]
But this is serious. There hasn’t been a state of
emergency in Massachusetts since a Starbucks opened
across the street from Dunkin’ Donuts.
[ Laughter ] You can’t do that. And now a lot of TV shows
are making changes in response
to the Coronavirus. Check out the beginning
of “The View” today. This is real.
-Oh, my goodness. Why, hello, hello, hello, and
welcome to “The View,” y’all. Welcome to “The View.”
Welcome to “The View.” Welcome to “The View.” Welcome to “The View.”
Welcome to “The View.” Welcome to “The View,”
welcome to “The View.” -There’s nobody there
and it’s still way too loud. What — how —
[ Laughter ] And listen to this.
Because of the virus, Coachella has been pushed back
to the fall. [ Audience aws ]
Yeah, no Coachella. No South by Southwest.
No spring break trips. Pretty soon Instagram’s
just gonna be homemade omelets and the shrug emoji.
[ Laughter ] Meanwhile, in the UK,
an amusement park owner filled a claw machine with
toilet paper and hand sanitizer. [ Laughter ] Unfortunately, everyone who
touched the same joystick has now been quarantined to
inside the claw machine. “Get me out!”
[ Light laughter ] Guys, the CDC is saying that
they are doing everything they can to
make sure people are staying healthy right now. And to get their tips out there, they’ve even been writing
some songs. -Ah, here we go. -What, Tariq?
-Let me guess. You’re going to list a whole
bunch of song titles that are really just jokes about
washing your hands and staying healthy. -I mean, yeah,
that was the plan. -And then each one will
pop up as, like, a graphic so everyone can see it
and laugh about it. [ Laughter ]
-Right. -Yeah. I know exactly how
this will go. Okay, the screen is gonna
look something like a Billboard chart. And then it’s going to be,
I don’t know, titled something like “CDC Song.”
[ Laughter ] And then underneath that,
it will list things like, “Old Town Soap” and…
[ Laughter ] “Snot Girl Summer.”
[ Laughter ] Oh, and “Don’t Want to Get
Sicko Mode.” [ Laughter ] And “Stupid Bugs,”
stuff like that. Oh, and finally,
“I Can’t Touch My Face.” -Yeah, but…
[ Laughter ] -Is that how it’s going to go? -You nailed it.
[ Laughter ] -Thought so. -But you missed one thing. One, two, three, four, five — -Hold on. Hold on.
Let me guess. Let me guess. You were going to sing
“Can’t Touch My Face.” And then the lyrics
were gonna be something like… ♪ I can’t touch my face
or I’ll get flu ♪ ♪ And Corona
And Corona ♪ ♪ I can’t touch my face
What will I do? ♪ ♪ I’ll buy some Lysol
And some Clorox ♪ [ Laughter ] -Yeah. Those are the lyrics. -Right. I don’t think
you should do that bit. -All right. We won’t.
Tariq Trotter, everyone. Thank you, Tariq.
[ Cheers and applause ] Guy’s the best. That’s nice of him.
He stopped me. -Impressive. Impressive. -Well, guys, as I said, last
night was “The Bachelor” finale. Did you guys watch it?
[ Cheers and applause ] It was good.
So it was the finale. And so if you don’t know it,
this is a spoiler. Whatever you know. But if you don’t,
that’s your fault. But Pete — Peter got
engaged to Hannah Ann, which is my choice. I think that was the way to go. Yeah, and that’s the one the mom
was all upset about. She really loved Hannah Ann. But then after a month of being
engaged, he dumped her. [ Audience oohs ] Yeah. And then he chose — What’s her name?
[ Audience responds ] Madison.
He chose Madison. Yeah. Anyways, Peter’s mom did not
like the choice. I think she thought she was
on a different reality show because at one point,
she hit a button and her chair turned around.
[ Laughter ] So anyways, so Peter
and Hannah Ann got engaged and after one month, Peter
decided to call it off. Friends knew that there was
trouble eight hours into the engagement
when Peter auditioned to be on “Love is Blind.”
-Wow. -That’s right, Peter
and Hannah Ann’s engagement lasted one month. Come on.
Trump’s had chief of staffs last longer than that.
[ Laughter ] Seriously, one month?
The entire season of “The Bachelor” lasted
longer than that. [ Laughter ]
One month? That’s not an engagement.
That’s a quarantine. [ Laughter ] Some business news,
I saw that McDonald’s is now selling two
new sizes of Big Mac. There’s the Little Mac
with one patty, and the Double Mac
with four patties. [ Laughter ]
[ Audience ohs ] And this is cool,
they’re already making a Little Mac, Double Mac movie starring Kevin Hart
and Dwayne Johnson. Isn’t that amazing?
I’d go see it. [ Cheers and applause ]
I love that. -Beautiful. -Get this.
Hostess is releasing new iced lattes flavored
like their snack cakes. Like Twinkies, Ding Dongs,
and Sno Balls. They’re caffeinated so now
you’ll be wide awake for your heart attack. [ Laughter ] And this is interesting.
I read that when it comes to men’s cologne, citrus
and florals are becoming more popular. There’s actually a brand-new
scent that’s sweeping the nation
right now. Check this out. -Rare. Bold. Seductive. A new fragrance you
simply can’t ignore. You’ll want to cover yourself
in it everywhere you go. Introducing… Puree by Dior. -Puree. -Available for men
and women and especially people over 70. $1,000 at Macy’s. [ Cheers and applause ] -Puree. Puree. And finally, everyone.
wildlife officials in Wisconsin had to rescue a skunk that got
his head stuck in a soup can. Take a look. Aw.
[ Audience aws ] Afterwards, the skunk was like, “You idiots,
that was my face mask. Don’t you realize we’re living
through a pandemic? Leave me alone.”
We’ve got a great show.

100 thoughts on “Coronavirus State of Emergencies, Cheap Flights and Cancellations”

  1. Body Cough
    You make my body cough
    You make my body cough
    When your next to me…
    I don’t like feeling…
    Sick nights in the city..

  2. Shawn&Inna Barrett

    LA NG



    burn gas

    very cheap

    oil price less?

    ask smile normal question about prices that everyone cares reduce gas price 

    people do not drive less they have to eat fast food

    that has to do with paris accord and it os fraud trading credit do not allow to trade any credits 

    it is a excuse 

    money law un de r  in g 

    ask Bernie why he said russian hacks to help him?

    how he decide that?

    u would have lukt beta


    t u da y 

    ct o f t e k s t our



    to sth die of shit



    f o k U s 

     f A   C A z

     po c  c и я


     h o  u l  l Ay

    dog feel death why they hide

    it is secondary not primary that matters

    104 page treatment?

    d o not bang 2 h a r d 



    l a d y z h c a

    regular treatment like any cold

    dobrih zhavoronkoff s c reem 

    s c r y m 

    with PA

    8 th of March

    not 7

    s c on 

    Dar y

  3. They laughing until they positive with covid-19…! Then I’ll wait here to those audiences laugh at the same joke.☺️


  5. BaiAnNa2014 Twitter

    Corona, Corona, Quarantina
    Ho"s and Mac"s y'all come back….

  6. T can sing, yet stupid people don't clap….America….can't even vote to save themselves… happened to the world! America used to be so strong, but now it's all about thinking that someone else will fix it! NO YOU NEED TO VOTE! ONLY YOU CAN FIX IT YOU FUCK!

  7. The view did what you should do Jimmy. And I don’t like the View!!
    Also your audience is fucking ignorant.
    “Ohhhh” because Coachella has been cancelled!? Be thankful it was!!! At least you are taking one precaution while you don’t basically prevent a fucking thing and will end up paying for this… it’s just about starting your tests. Watch out of who is in your audience cause some of them probably are infected.

    I don’t wish for it tho. I’m Italian and we are living through hell but that’s the sad true of all the ppl not giving up on their life and in that moment THEY ARE MAKING A CHOICE FOR EVERYONE AROUND THEM. Not only the loved ones, but strangers with families as well.


    Ps. You should try what more than one month of quarantine does. Try what it means feat for your life when you get out of the fucking house to buy food.
    I’m very curious to see how much your jokes will change in a week when you will be surrounded by this enemy.
    Probably you are gonna start to talk about it in a more serious way

  8. Not trying to be offensive in any way, but the breakout in the US could have been stopped easily weeks ago. I am currently in China, and the fact that the virus can stay in air for hours was revealed a few days after January 23rd, the lockdown of Wuhan. How is that breaking news and new research NOW, March 12th? Btw this means that YES, wearing a mask or even covering up your nose and mouth with sth is better than not wearing anything, as someone with the virus could have exhaled it 30 minutes ago at the spot.

    The Chinese government is no doubt one of the most autocratic govs, and they tried to cover up the virus for the first 20 days of 2020. However once the Chinese CDC experts realized the virus is much worse than they predicted, actions were taken immediately – lockdowns in Wuhan, all schools extending winter vacation, and public places like subway stations and shopping malls were equipped with thermometers to prevent anyone with a fever from coming in. As of more controversial acts, those who refuse to measure temperature could even be arrested. Note this was all done in a time period of 3 days or so – from large cities to rural farms.

    Meanwhile, there are still American universities that refuse to end school after Corona has come out in US for weeks. A lot of people in the US still don't give a f*** about the virus. The stupid af Donald Trump still claims this is a flu and he is a genius.

    Right now the US is just a worse replay of China. If someone actually treated the virus more seriously, much more cases could have been prevented and thus lives could have been possibly saved. But why does no one give a f*** until now? Because the Chinese government was always portrayed as stupid, brutal, and dictatory, which is true from many perspectives. However there's one thing you really need to give credit to them – that they're hell productive and execution is quick af. What that means is they're able to perform lockdowns, allocate doctors and medical resources to Wuhan, and build two new hospitals in 10 days. This will never happen in a free market. Lockdowns could lead to protests, which simply just increases risk of infection.

    We all need to treat this virus more srsly if we want to eliminate it and get back to work. The fact that it broke out in an autocratic country does not mean it won't in a democratic one.

  9. News flash; the reality of the bachelor… is after the contract is done… they go their separate ways. Because its fake!

  10. Apple has 245$ billion dollars in cash ,,,, just saying and iPhones are really overrated,,,,, that's why i personally like Samsung Galaxy specifically note series.
    Btw Jimmy you are really an awesome anchorman/showman .anyway SORRY my intentions are simple = I JUST WANT PEACE/CREDIT where's it's due 🦁🌻🦖🐲🖤💞🇮🇳💞😬🙃🙃🙃🙃😏👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽

  11. mattiaantonelliofficial

    I really appreciate your show, in my opinion, you shouldn’t laugh on what’s happening in the world. The coronavirus outbreak should be taken seriously.

  12. Just had a thought. Kevin Hart and Dwayne the Rock Johnson should do a remake of "Twins" starring Schwarzenegger and DeVito.

  13. You shouldn't make jokes about this…. I understand your position but this is serious, it spreads fast and kills …

  14. No Coachella, no SXSW, no Spring Break… drug dealers gonna be lining up for those Govt. relief loans pretty soon!

  15. Coronavirus=cheaper flights to fly. Other countries are locked down to stop the spread. Nobody sees the issue with this?

  16. What if the same resources used to fight the corona virus could have been used to try to stop all wars in the world and famine? 🤔

  17. I'm glad Coachella is out for now, y'all fucks annoying asf with your snaps and if posts that show you somewhere fun asf and still only on your fucking phone! So means you only went to throw it in people's faces that you went! Dipshits ass sons of bitches!!

  18. It spread so fast because morons aren’t wearing masks correctly, they aren’t even covering their noses with said mask & other morons aren’t even wearing masks at all nor washing their hands. If this was 20 years ago it wouldn’t of spread this fast with less accessible transport, middle/upper classes have been swanning around the world willy nilly & dishing it out to everyone thinking they’re above a virus when they’re not. New viruses will always be above humans.

  19. Jimmy Fallon, my main man, please, I need a card with free cheddar biscuits for life, this is all I care for, I need this card.

  20. We love u… but u have to stop inviting guests to the studio… all people should avoid gatherings to limit the virus.

  21. Bernie Sanders an old white Communist that has a do nothing record in congress. He has never had a job until into his 40's, a freeloader. Yeah, sounds like he's a real winner LMFAO you dummy's

  22. Please
    take the time to read this and if possible help and share it:

  23. sumaiya chowdhury

    Are you between the ages of 17-45 , enraged over the fact that Biden is beating Bernie, and scrolling through these comments perplexed as to how it’s even possible considering all the people you see across the internet shouting “#Bernie2020”? If so, then PAUSE. ✋🏼🚨 



    Only 13% of all votes cast on Super Tuesday were from people between the ages of 17-29. That’s literally abysmal.

    17-45 year olds across the nation overwhelmingly favor Bernie, however most 45+ year olds instead prefer Biden.



    Take just 15 tiny minutes out of your day and message as many friends/family members you possibly can to make sure they’re all registered as a DEMOCRAT and, more importantly, whether or not they have all the details on HOW, WHERE, and WHEN they’re going to vote. If you or any of your friends can’t (or won’t) go in-person then please at least go to your state’s voting website and register for either early voting or for an absentee/mail-in ballot. 


    *Remember to check all the dates, deadlines, and requirements for your specific state. If you’re unaffiliated, independent, or currently registered with any other political party, you WON’T be allowed to vote so make sure to double-check your registration.


    *Also for everyone who has already seen this comment on other political related videos please bear with me for a bit. Just trying to do whatever I can to get my generation to go voice ther opinions on their ballots instead of all over Twitter, YouTube, or literally anywhere else except for the one place it will actually matter in the end. Once there’s a clear front runner between Bernie and Biden, I’ll stop posting this and switch gears towards trying to beat Trump in November.  Thanks!

  24. I feel this shouldnt be even jokes matter this is a matter of lie and death i love Jimmy but this isnt funny at all …this is serious how come celebrities cant help the poor since the government isn't there spreading people around like its gonna stop just one country its spreading from bats to cats and now trump came and now its killing thousands to me this was planned ….real news vs wrong news just saying people should know whats going on for real but take it serious all peoples life is important stop doing dirty jobs for each other love one another be there for one another because its coming for the poor thats poor already gonna be worse they should take all people who has it to there spots that they take kids and grown men women to to do some experiments on them instead of spreading them around the world to get others sick worse yall know this virus because its been around but all of a sudden this back and forth wanting to go to war with other countrys by trump making them mad wprld peace what happend when yall are only about yalls self and money money that yall dont know how to take care of the world yall telling people yall care but careing and loving is different careing can also mean not about world but loving is everything you need and God to help make peace……..but anoff said i might get my message deleted so i hope half yall look i love you everyone from love that i carry with God to all over the 🌎 world i just wished everyone can see it thought what im saying this is the truth ……[email protected] email me anyone i do prayers to jimmy i know your not joking to hurt anyone but im verrrry sensitive to this issue with my kids im trying to raise in the world full of hate…..

  25. By the way i can see some trying to male others laugh over something thats killing people it should be touchy to the ones that have it and are dieing from it i love jokes when im down but yall took it too deep and the view if they didnt have that half fake people that work with them and actually have real ones that doesnt work for yall then ill believe in them to but half yall do fake shows and have people who already works on the show talk most shows do a pre round meaning they get everyone and go over what needs to be said or not say on the show just like being movies its all set up not not all shows are like that i believe in Jennifer esposito she has her own show and she says anything she wants and her cooking is natural and shes actually trying to help us eat the right way government gives us bad food then say we need to loose weight then make new restrunts and drop the fast food ones that can have some bugs in peanut buter or human blood be in meats and stuff but yall have a law on how much blood should be in food to wow like if we take all that away and take money away and we all build on healthier food and drinks and buildings and learn to cook on a fire pit and live like some did back in them days a long time ago then people will realize what love is about but greedy people … done talking would love to do a book

  26. Oh yeah to the ones getting older and trying to sale things on line we are helping yall out more just to have what they have half the things celebrities sale on line isnt worth it and we spend half the money on that stuff then what people really need instead of putting a big big price on it that some cant buy give it away for free but yall are only trying to keep your spots with the other puppets so yall can eat all good for free most the time and get bigger deals to get healthier foods then poor does just saying love to all

  27. Corona has entered our country since 1978 when Khomeini came to Iran with the map of Europe, the Democrats and Russia, so that every day Iranians are sacrificed.
     So that their identities and possessions could be looted by their mullahs and their western and eastern masters.
     The Demonic System Wants China's corona to Enter Iran with fifty five Flights
     To maintain his survival under the command of his masters again under the pretext of releasing alcohol and gradually abolishing the obligatory veil,
     Of course, with the massacre of the Iranian nation again and its proliferation throughout Iran without any quarantine or creation of opportunities for the nation,
    It is not long before the shooting and killing of nearly 150 Iranians, as well as the killing of nearly 4500 Iranians in the street this November.
    The masters of this evil system know that if they want to preserve it more with crime and deception, they will only have more to share in the crimes and treachery of this system.
     The Iranian nation will not compromise with its killers and traitors for more than 40 years,
     Those who support this system are not human, they have sold their human spirit for their own benefit.
    This clip is about the behaviour of one of the regime's supporters of Iranian women in the veil.

  28. but Assmouth in Chief said it was a hoax… it will be a will disappear..there are a million tests….it is prefect..Oh?..he's is full of sht and always has been?… OK

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