Hare&Tortoise/Council of Verona: Alison Haislip, Jessica Merizan + David Kwong on TableTop S03E04


– TableTop Games take
their inspiration from a number of
different sources. From the mythical
stories of ancient times to our imagined futures, we can visit any
world we want when we sit down to play
with our friends. Today on TableTop, David
Kwong, Alison Haislip, and Jessica Merizan
are here to play a pair of relatively simple,
but pretty awesome games that are inspired by
classic works of literature. First, we will visit Aesop’s
Fables to see if slow and steady truly wins the
race in Hare & Tortoise. Then, we will pay homage
to William Shakespeare as we attempt to
deviously manipulate
the Council of Verona. (fast music) (growling) (fast music) Hare & Tortoise is a racing
game designed by Gun-Hee Kim where we bet on
which animals from Aesop’s Fables are the best. Look, I’m not saying
that Aesop was running an illegal racing club
here to gather enough money to start a violent revolution, because that theory is absurd, but the very first thing
we do in Hare & Tortoise is bet on which one
of the five animals we think is going
to win the race, Of course we have the famous
hare and tortoise themselves, I mean, obviously, their names
right there in the title, but we also have a few
other special guests. A sheep sprinter, who’s
made the interesting choice of wearing a wool
tracksuit for this race, The big, bad wolf himself,
who’s kinda a big deal, and of course, the crafty fox. (evil laughter) They’re all fine
racers, each with their own style and ability. So once all of our
main bets are in, we will place a side bet. We can double-down on the
same animal we started with, or hedge out bets
by coat-tailing off of another player’s win. Both are pretty valid
betting strategies. Once the bets are in,
we’re ready to race. Each turn, players will
play one to five cards from their hand
of the same animal into this racing pool here. So I’m putting down
three fox cards to add to the two rabbit
cards and the sheep card that’s already in play. Once we have either four
cards of the same animal or eight cards
total in the pool, the animals move according
to their ability. We know the hare is
cocky and he moves two spaces every
turn, until he decides to take a nap and show off
that he’s in first place. The tortoise will
move one space, even if everyone hates him
for that doping scandal back in 566 and 564 BCE. He really should give back
those pieces of yellow tape. Every racer has different powers and different movement rules. They are all balanced
so everyone has an honest chance of winning
when run by savvy players. When the top three animals
cross the finish line, we will place them on the podium and we will collect our money. Who will sprint to
sipping champagne at
the wall of victory? And who will join me
on not the porn couch? Get your checkered flags ready, it’s time to race
Hare & Tortoise. – Hi, I’m Jessica Marizen. People on the internet know
me as Jessica Marzipan. I’m a cosplayer, YouTuber,
and community manager. – My name’s David Kwong. I’m a magician and
I’m a puzzle creater and I tend to fuse
those together. – My name’s Alison Haislip and I am an actress and a host. – So this is Hare & Tortoise. We have been given
our initial bet cards. We haven’t seen them yet,
we’re gonna look at them now and then we’re gonna
choose one of our cards in our hands to be a side bet. So go ahead and do that. And then we’ll be ready
to begin the game. – I’m obligated to bet on wolf. And I’m also betting
on sheep ’cause I love that little baby sheep. Oh boy. – I’m betting on the
two fastest, I guess. Hare’s on top, sheep has this
sort of like, turbo boost. – I like this, I
like this a lot. – I am not feeling confident. – The animal that I
have no choice to bet on is the tortoise and
the animal that I chose from the cards in my
hand is the sheep. – So today I’m betting
on rabbit and sheep. I am really, really scared
about this game because it’s racing, it’s
betting, it’s math. And I’m bad at all
of those things. I am not an athlete. – And I will go first. I will start out by playing – Oh boy, it begins.
– [Will] A hare. – [Alison] Oh! – And then we are,
as they say, off. What would you like to do?
– [Alison] To the races? – To the races. Yes! – [Jessica] Alright, okay. – I chose sheep because
even though I don’t have a lot of sheep in my hand,
I only have a pair of sheep, I am really confident
that another player in this game is also
going to be going sheep and I can coattail
onto the sheep. – I feel like I’m
running the race. Okay, okay. – [Will] You kind of are. – I’m a spectator, I’ve
got to remember this. – [Will] Yeah, okay. – Let’s go.
– [Will] Oh alright, you’ve got some sheep
happening, very good. Alright, we got two sheep out, – Double sheep.
– [Will] and a hare. – Well, I think I’m gonna just balance things
out here with this guy. – [Alison] Ooh.
– [Will] Alright. – ‘Bout to do something big. – Yeah, what are you gonna do? – [Alison] Do some four sheep! – [Will] Sheep’s gonna go! – [Alison] Four sheep action! – [Will] Alright!
We’re running it. – Super sheep
opening from Alison. I’m gonna let her
play the sheep, I’m gonna pretend I’m
going for something else. – Running it. I’m
bringing out the incredibly nonfunctional
stop watch. Announcing that we
have now begun running. First, the hare is going
to move two spaces. You want to go ahead
and move the hare? One, two. The tortoise is
gonna move no matter what. So there goes the tortoise.
– [Jessica] Bam. – [Will] And nobody moves,
– [David] He gets another one? – until, no because
he didn’t draw four. Now nobody moves
until the sheep, who’s going to move five. – [Jessica] Woah. – [Will] Because he
moves X plus one. So the sheep’s all,
“Watch out everybody! “One, two, wish I could
talk, three, four, five.” – [Alison] He
stops at the water. – He stops at the water, because
the sheep’s all (panting). (panting) Need water. Okay, wow.
– I need two cards, please. – Oh yeah you do.
– [Alison] Please, sir. – Alright, here you go. – Can I have some
more? Thank you. – Here’s that for you. I think this is gonna happen. – [Alison] Woah. – It probably looks kind of
dumb to play four fox cards when I’m not betting on
a fox, but this is gonna let me clear out
almost my entire hand to get the cards that
I need and hopefully will throw the other
players off and make them think that I’m
going for the fox, so they’ll start moving the
tortoise and the sheep for me. – Will is definitely bluffing. He is sly, just like that fox. I do not buy it for a second. – This is four, so
we’re running it. Oh, where’s my thing? – Oh, that’s four! I thought you put down three! – Click.
– [Alison] You just ended the round right there. – I did. Yeah. – [Alison] Cutest clock ever. – Right? Cutest and most useless! – Okay. – Okay, so. – The tortoise does not, I’m
sorry, the hare does not move. The turtle moves. No news until the fox, who goes one, two, three,
four, what’s up sheep, I’m breathing down your
little, wooly neck. – I’m sorry, I need to
check to make sure that I’m not going rogue
and forgetting who I’m betting on. Okay. – Wait, but now
that I’ve said that, I have to look like
I’m not betting on. I’m sorry.
– I’ve said too much, I’ve said too much!
– There’s so much pressure. Okay, um, nonchalantly. – [Will] Oh, alright, just
a hare, not a big deal. – Hm, whatever. – He’s a little thumb’s up. He’s like, I got this dudes. – He’s all, dude, I’m in
the title, I can’t lose. – [Alison] And
the turtle’s like. – I feel bad for
that guy over there. – [Will] Oh no, the
poor, little wolf isn’t going anywhere at all. – I’m gonna do a
little of that action. – [David] Twofer. – Oh wait, do you have
to deal to him first? Did you get your card? – [David] Oh no. – [Jessica] Oh I need one too. – One.
– [Jessica] Thank you. Yeah. One.
– I need two. – You need two.
– [Alison] Thank you. – Miss plays a pair. Okay.
– Miss plays a pair? – Yeah, alright. – That’s my name on
Thursday nights. What? – I’m what? – [Alison] (laughing) I don’t
even know what that means. – I’m down with the
rabbit, running. I’m okay with that. And I take a card. Uh, so a wolf or two
rabbits will run it. There’s five out
there right now, so another pair of
anything will run it. No, sorry, you need
eight to run it. – [Jessica] Alright, so I. – It’s late in the day. – [Alison] It is. – This is the fifth
game I’ve played today. – Oh boy. – Kinda tired. – Wanna go. I wanna get this running.
– [Many] Oh! – [Will] Look at that! – [Alison] Big day for the wolf! – Look what’s happening! Okay, so alright,
so let’s go ahead. Do you want to go ahead
and pop the thing. And the wolf’s all, hey
guys, remember me? Reh! – [David] See, now a
well-balanced contest. – Bleh! – That’s the noise
that the wolf makes. – [Alison] It’s all on you.
– [Will] Yeah, yeah. – [Alison] Ooh, a turtle.
– [Will] Oh, looks at that, a little turtle
action. Okay, alright. – I am going to do, this. – [Will] Oh, how
very interesting. – Double sheep, double sheep. – I think I know what
your favorite animal is. – Do you? – I feel good about the sheep. – [David] Oh!
– [Alison] Ooo boy! – [Will] So I’ll go
ahead and add a sheep. – I’m feeling for the
youthful sheep as well. – [Will] Oh, wow! – [Alison] Woah! – This is, this makes
things very interesting. So we’re gonna run it now. Would you like to
hit the thing again? – Ping. (cartoon music) I’m so conflicted. (Alison laughing) – Let’s all just stare at her. – I’ve got a great
poker face, guys. ( Will, Alison,
and David laughing) – [Will, Alison, and David] Ooh! – Three wolf cards in the
deck are a howling wolf and if any one of
those cards comes out, no matter what’s been played,
only the wolf will move. And the story behind it
is that all the other animals are so frightened
by the howling wolf that the wolf just
lumbers on past them. – What do you want
to throw away? – [Alison] Fantastic. – Well I have a
terrible poker face, so I’m playing that. – Jessica just said I
have a good poker face and now I’m saying I
have a bad poker face. So I’m gonna play this card,
cause it’s clearly what I want. But it’s not what I want. – Okay, I’m, I’m. – There’s a sheep
out there and hmm. – Here comes a
threefer coming out. – What gonna happen? What’re you doing, Haislip?
– [David] She wants to run it. – What’re you doing? – [David] She wants to run it
(Alison laughing) – [Jessica] Oh, that
was an evil laugh. – Yeah she does. – Alison, what is going
on with that laugh? Are you a witch? (Alison cackles) – Hmm, I’m gonna
do this, actually. – [David] Oh, I
need a card, Will. – There you go. – [Alison] Now I need a card.
– [David] What did you do? – [Alison] I threw
down another fox. – She threw a fox. Well, that actually makes
it kind of easy for me. When a howl card come out
and you have yet to act, you can dump cards that
you don’t care about and throw players off
from what you’re actual strategy is and give
yourself a chance to refill your hand with cards you need. And the wolf moves one. – [Alison] One.
– [David] Right. – [Will] And we are all kinda
clumped together up here. – [Alison] Except
for our little sheep. – This is quite
a race happening, except for our little sheep. – The little baby
sheep is in front. That’s the little,
baby sheep voice. – You guys, I wanted
to get into the race, because we wanted
everybody to know that I can run really
fast so that I can be just as important as other
people that are in the race. but ’cause everybody’s all
like, you sheeps you just have to be slow
and go to the back and I don’t want to do that. – What was the wolf noise again? – Rehhh! – (laughing) He’s running so
fast, he’s like vomitting. – Rehhh! (laughing) – [Jessica] (laughing)
It’s like dry-heaving. – Rehh, ehh! So the wolf’s training
regiment involves a whole lot of eating
Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother for
maximum carbs and protein. – What is going on with the
big, bad wolf’s t-shirt? Is he like in this
race to eat pigs? Are there pigs at the
end of this thing? Is there just like some
kind of slow cooker at the end of this race? Is that why he’s in it? He’s in it to win
it for the pigs. Wait, how do I have five cards? – Well, because,
now you have six. – No, you had one hiding. – Wait, what? – [Alison] You have
one back there. – No, I’m sorry. I can’t count, actually. – I think she was
trying to cheat. – You don’t know I’m the fox. – I’m pretty sure
if she can’t count. that that didn’t help
her in meaningful way. – Once I took an IQ test
and I got an 84 in spatial. I’m not even joking. – I don’t know what that means. – [David] What is it out of?
– [Jessica] That’s not a joke. – How do you
successfully navigate the automatic doors
at the shopping plaza? (Alison laughing) – I don’t know! – What is that out of? – [Will] Yeah that’s, wow. – A hundred is normal. Like, I’m not even joking
about the 84 thing. Like it was 84 and 136. It was really formative. Let’s move on. (David and Alison laughing) – [Will] Wow, wolf time. – And she just throws
out three wolves. She’s like, movin’ on. – If you were that
wolf, would you need to run around in like
a hamster ball? – [Jessica and Alison] Blehh! (all but David laughing) – David, what’s
happening over there? What’s going on? – I’m in a real
pickle over here. – [Alison] A pickle?
– [Will] Yeah? – Yeah. – Wow. You don’t hear
people talking about being in a pickle very often. – Pickle, I’m bringing it back. – Since when did you
become 64 years old? – Yeah, so what else are
you in back there in 1959? – I’m gonna bring
back huzzah too. – [Will] Really? That’s great. – [Alison] Huzzah.
– [Will] That’s fantastic. I’m working on bully. – Bully. – That’s another one that I’m
trying to get to come around. – [David] This.
– [Will] What’s going on? Ooh, okay, alright. Are you gonna do one of your
patented Haislip trey moves? – Trey (laughs) the threesome? – Yes. – No, watch this though. Sca-bam! – [Will] What? – [Alison] Wolf is moving on! – [David] Alright. (cartoon music) – Alright, turtles! – [Alison] Two turtles. – I’m all in guys. – [Alison] Woah. – [Jessica] Rabbits. – [Will] The rabbit’s
gonna, the rabbit is going to win this
race, no matter what. – Unless someone plays a howl. – Unless someone
makes the wolf howl. – Oh, unless someone howls. You’re right. – Oh man. – Will that person be you? – Right. – That would be a sweet move if you don’t want
the rabbit to win. – I have a howl card in my hand. If I get a chance to
play that howl card, the rabbit doesn’t move and
I at least have a chance to get the sheep across the
finish line in first place. – I’m really tempted to howl
just to throw everybody off, but I think I want to
secure those points, just in case someone else
takes second and third. – [Jessica] I’m so excited. – We’re gonna lock
up this rabbit. (Alison gasps) – [Alison and Will] Wow! – Stupid rabbit got first
place, sheep was so close! – He was, he was right there! He just had to get
across the line! The rabbit crosses the
finish line, congratulations. (fanfare music) Number two, the
tortoise moves one. – [Will and David] That’s it. – Yep. – Alright. – Okay sheep, second
place, please, please, please, please,
please, please, please. – Who’s got a sheep? – [Alison] Well, I’m just gonna. – Who’s got a sheep? – Reveal my bid right now
and do a little sheep action. – [Jessica] Huh. – Well, alright. – [David] You need like
counter spells in this game. Someone places a
howl and you’re like, nope, sorry, going through. – No! I play my…
– [Will] No, I play my – Earplugs of silence.
– [Will] magic drain. – You know, I’m really
dedicated to, um. – [Will] Oh, how interesting. How, what an interesting,
wait hold on a second. One, two, three, four, five,
I forgot to draw a card, – [Jessica] One more, thank you. – Well, gotta play a
little catch-up here. – [Will] Yeah? – [David] So we’re
gonna do that. – [Will] Okay.
– [Alison] Hmm. Um. – [David] Don’t play a howl
if you’re going for the sheep. – Psh, I’m not. (laughs) – [Jessica] He’s so awkward. – Just throwin’ down another. – Alright, we’re gonna run it. Alison, do you want to push the – Ping! – Click. Alright, here we go. The hare, oh, is already there. So you know what? It’s taking a nap, because
it’s a dick like that. Now the tortoise moves one,
cause that’s what it does. The fox moves two. And the sheep goes
across the finish line. (musical woo) To second place. – [Alison] Second place. – Where it’s very happy. – Really happy that the
sheep is in second place. I’m in really good position
to at least get five points. Okay, well, I tell you what I, tell you what I would like.
– Baby sheep just came in second place and she’s happy.
– [Will] What I would like is for that sheep to
just keep going. I’d really like that,
that would be terrific. – Sure. – Okay, let’s make
the rabbit keep going. What do you got
going on over there? – Let’s do that as well (laughs) – [Will] Alright, okay. I think I sense
what’s kinda going on in these here parts. Yep. Ohhh! – Oh. What does that do? I’m not quite sure. Oh wait, hold on,
I need more cards. – [Will] How many
cards do you need? – I need three, which is weird. – [Jessica] Quite a few cards. – [David] I might have had
more options during that last. – [Alison] Yep.
– [Will] Alright. – [David] Last play. – I might not be the only
one who can’t count here. (Alison laughs) – I’m. You know what? I’m a terrible host today
and I apologize for that. Um, I’m gonna do that. ‘Cause that fox can eat a dick. – I’ll go ahead and end it. – [Will] Alright, very good. – So the only one
who moves is the fox. – The only one who
moves is the wolf, and the wolf moves one. – Fox. Wolf. Oh, I’m a dick. Now I’m a dick! (laughing) – You want to be on
team dick together? Team dicks for life! Yes! – Oh, we’re gonna do that. – [Alison] Oh, someone
wants turtle to win. – Come on, team dicks,
what are we doing? – I mean, now it’s
kinda pointless. So I’ll do that. Unless someone throws a howls, and then that’s not pointless. – Okay, someone’s gonna do that. – [David] Ooh. – David, even though I was
just trash talking you, saying you couldn’t count. Um, can we be team pickle? – Let’s do it. – [Jessica] Which is also… (Will laughs loudly) – Let’s do it. – Also kind of phallic. – If I could reach you I would.. – Team dick and team pickle! – Yeah, we’re in
the same division. (Alison laughing) – If I could reach you,
I would high five you. – Oh God, I expected
electricity. – [Will] Alright. – [Jessica] Alright. – [Will] Five cards out there. – Guys, this game’s over. Okay, we’re running it. The hare’s already there. The tortoise moves two. Nobody else moves at all. – I’m killing the game
right now with tortoise, ’cause I’m locking
up first and second. I also think that nobody’s
betting on tortoise, so I don’t want someone in
third place getting points. – I guess I was actually
mildly surprised that turtle actually placed in this race. – I’ve got second and third
place and I don’t think anybody else was
betting on the tortoise, so I’m pretty sure that I’m
in really good position. Starting with David, why don’t
you show us your bet cards. – Okay, so that won this game. – [Alison] Oh! – [Will] Okay, who came
in second? The sheep. Unfortunately, I also
got second place. (David yells) – [Alison] Oh! Look at you!
– [Will] Nicely done. – [David] Team pickle. – [Will] Well
played, well played. – Haislip, what’ve you got? – Well, I got our second placer, – [Will] Yeah. – [Alison] And then
I got our wolf. – And your not, then
your did not place. – [Jessica] He ate
too much breakfast. – Yep. (heaving) – So, I was hoping
the turtle would have finished a little bit higher. And even though I only
started with one of these, I was really confident that
one other player in this game would be making this guy
run, so I took the sheep. – [Alison] Ooh, so you
have second and third. – So I’m on second
and third, which is not as good as first and second. – You started strong
fox though, didn’t ya? – [Will] I did, I wanted
to throw everybody off. – Yeah, yeah, right. – Um, so, uh, hare. – [Will] Yes. – [Jessica] And, uh… (Alison screams) – [Will] What the hell? – Dominance. – [Jessica] There we go. – [Alison] I applaud, I applaud. – So, yeah, bravo, so team
pickle is currently tied. – I’m exhausted. – Yeah, boy.
– I think we learned a lot about each other too. – [David] I’m
emotionally exhausted. – Yeah, you know,
I think we did. – Ragtown team of individuals. – Yes, we are, that’s fantastic. – We’re the island
of misfit toys. – Yeah, we are. Yeah, you’re right. Only you two guys are a toy
made out of a pickle jar. – [Alison] Yes. and we’re dicks.
– And we’re a dick. Alright, Verona’s up next. Council of Verona is
a Romeo and Juliet themed game designed
by Michael Eskue. In keeping with the
theme of the game, I’ve decided to
give the rules intro in the style of Shakespeare. A moment please. (clears throat) Two game mechanics, both alike in dignity,
in fair Verona, where we paint this game. From drafting nobles
to influence secretly, two household powers,
nearly the same. A pair of star-crossed
lovers ply much guile, whose players profit
when fixed together. Whether both alive in
council or grave exile, lest ye nobel ties
loose their tether. Fearsome Lord Capulet
opposes Montague, each seek conquest
for grand victory. To fill council crimson
and not rival hue, and through their
ladies, craft treachery. The warriors disrupt
Verona’s peaceful breath, through drawn sword
caused blood to flow, transporting nobles
from council unto death. The skillful killers
Tybalt, Benvolio. And lo, our noble prince
of ‘nother family, guarding council from
rebellious subject, begs peace and
healing, not anarchy. Neighbor-stained
swords, he doth reject. Now in quarter hour
traffic of our stage, by clever design we doth play. The joyful passage of
microgames and rage, watching losing
cousins couch dismay. The like of which will
patient minds attend, and I’m seriously done
with this pretend. Alright, this is
Council of Verona, and the player who goes
first as we draft cards, is going to be the player
who was most recently standing on a balcony. So, who among us can remember
standing on a balcony? – My place has a balcony. – Alright. – Mine too.
– [Will] Okay. – Does sleeping on
a balcony count? I’m just, just asking. – (stutters) Probably not. – I mean, I think I was
on my balcony yesterday. – And when was the last time
you were on your balcony? – Uh, the trash
is on our balcony. – [Will] Yeah? – But my husband takes it out. Because, I’m terrible. – Allison, looks like you
will be drafting first. – Oh boy. – And your husband is now
like, why did I do that? – He’s great and I’m not. – (laughing) Alright,
so the way this works is we’re all gonna start
out with one card that is gonna help us figure out what cards out of this
deck we’re going to draft to build the players
that we’re gonna sort of try to put out in
council and exile. So, the first card will
really give us an idea of where we’re going to start. Alison, you can go ahead
and you can do your draft. So grab whoever you want first. – [Alison] I’m
drafting this person. – Alright, very well.
– [Alison] Then I go this way? – Then you give it to me. And now I look through here. – Don’t mess this
up for team pickle. – Okay. (laughing) – (laughing) Alright,
there you go. – Did you guys
strategize for this? My basic drafting
strategy is, you know, the cards you get initially,
which mine was Lord Capulet, I instantly wanted all Capulets, ’cause I knew I could control
where they were placed more. And obviously Lady
Capulet is one of the, one of the most strong
cards in the game, so that’s who I
thankfully got second. And then when the
nurse came around, for my next draft
pick, I was like, oh brilliant. – I really like to
have a clear strategy from the beginning of the game. And I started out with Mercutio, who’s really tough to
play because useually the Montegues and Capulets
fight over council and Mercutio’s like
(beep) all you dicks, we’re going to exile. – I feel so powerful right now. Clearly I just like to pick
the hottest people in the deck. I picked Paris, Benvolio,
and Lady Montague. And Paris is, you know,
he’s got it going on. – So I take one. – [Alison] Then you get
to just see that last one. – And I see this? – [Alison] Yeah.
– [Will] Yep. – And you guys don’t
know what it is. – [Will] That’s right,
that becomes the burn card and put it on
there, that’s fine. – I have Montague,
Romeo, and the friar. And I’m feeling pretty
good about this hand. I can use the friar
to bring Romeo back to the council
if I need to. I can keep Juliet
and Romeo together, so I think that’s
gonna be my strategy. (tango music) – Go ahead, play
your first card, and decide if it’s going
to the council or to exile. – Sca-boom! – Wow, alright, Lord Capulet
has been played to the council. And Lord Capulet
wants more Capulets than Montagues on the council. Now, if you like,
you may place a bet on Lord Capulet that
will help you decide. Alright, so now Alison
could have a zero, a three, or a five there and based on
the value that’s she put there, – [David] Zero’d have
been real trendy. – then she’s gonna know. Yeah, so she’s like,
no this is a bluff, then she’s definitely
gonna put a zero there. I will be playing…
– [Alison] It’s so sneaky. What am I doing? – Is this Council of Verona
the musical now, Alison? – [Alison] Yep. – So I’m going to play, Juliet. – Actually that was just
West Side Story, wasn’t it? – Juliet? – On the council. – [David and Alison] Ooo! – [Alison] Alright. – [Will] Okay, alright. – [Jessica] Ooh. And I am now going to make a betsy-bet. – Ooh, a betsy-bet. I mean, I’m gonna put
a cupcake on Juliet. Which sounds worse than bet. – [Alison and Jessica]
Yeah, it does. – [Will] Way worse. – [Alison] It sounds dirty. – It’s only betting. – [Will] That sounds
way worse than bet. – Okay, so I get really
stressed out about gambling and betting
and I just, you know, I don’t like wasting money. So everyone thought
it was really funny to disguise the
fact that this was a betting strategy by
calling it cupcakes. – Didn’t you say you
had a good poker face? – [Will] Yeah. – I’m really confused. – No I have a bad poker face.
– [Alison] Her poker face was terrible, do you remember that? – [Will] It was really, it
was a really bad poker face. – It was really terrible,
that’s why I don’t gamble. I go into the weird sci-fi
spa where you’re like, – Where is there a
weird sci-fi in Vegas? – There’s a huge, huge
spa in, I don’t remember if it’s the Wynn or
whatever, but it’s like giant and you’re sitting
there and you’re like, it’s way too peaceful in here. – It seems weird to me to talk
about a spa as a sci-fi spa and then just go on to
describe a regular spa. Is quiet science fiction? – Alright, you guys
can walk me through it next time I go to Vegas
and I won’t go to the spa. Speaking of which,
I am going to, wait, no I don’t want
– [David] What’s happening? – to do that card yet. – [ Will] Woah, ahh! – [Alison] Woo! – I got nervous (laughing) – Jessica, you
are falling apart! – What’s going on? – (mumbles) upset me! I’m just, I’m just
gonna, I’m just going to, oh God, all my cards are. – Should we choose for you? – All my cards are
really terrible to use this early in the game. – Someone didn’t draft well. – Somebody took all the ladies. – All the ladies. – Um, well. – What’s up, all
the married ladies. Lady Montague, Lady Capulet. Right, it is a musical. – Yep, yep. It’s
West Side Story. – [Jessica] This
is what I’m gonna, – I’m really not
comfortable with snapping. – This is what I’m
gonna do, because this is all I can do right now. – [Will] Yeah, okay. Count Paris! (talking over each other) You can view any two
influence tokens. – [David] I would
suggest those two. – I would suggest looking at
these two influence tokens. This is gonna give you
a lot of information. – [Alison] Why did you just sit
back like you’re a gangster? – Oh, wow. – She’s like, I got this. – I feel like I’m in
the spot right now and just everything’s
going wrong. Oh, that was so informative. – [Will] Yeah? What’s
going on with that one? – Just a lot, just
a lot’s going on. – (laughs) I think
we’re losing Jessica. – Well, this might confuse you. – [Alison] Bring it. – We’re already quite confused. – We’re gonna go like that. – [Will] More? What! Lord Montague would like more Montagues than Capulets
to be on the council. – We’re gonna do
something crazy here. – [Will] Okay.
– [Jessica] Oh gosh, I’m so nervous.
– And we’re gonna go like that – [Will] Wow. – You’re ballsy. – Somebody’s feeling really
good about Lord Montaperhaps. – Unless it’s zero. – [Will] Unless that’s
not what he wants. – Yeah. – Okay. – [David] Mind games. – I really only have one
option that I can do right now. – Yeah? What’s that? – And it is put
down Lady Capulet. – [Will] Oh my God!
– [David] Woah! And I’m going to do a
little token swapping. I obviously don’t want
to swap my own token. – [David] That’s the
best card, right? It’s gotta be. – I don’t know,
it’s pretty good. – My only choice is to
swap these two tokens. – Well, here’s Tybalt. Tybalt doesn’t like anybody. And he especially
doesn’t like when there are people on the council. And as it turns out in
the particular version, Tybalt has got a
thing for Juliet, so he’s bringing her over
(rest of the players ooh) to exile. I was always really
into that sort of like, odd relationship
that maybe existed between Juliet and Tybalt. So I decided it would be
nice to kind of bring that into this contemporary
production of Romeo and Juliet. – I really don’t want
anyone to win, so so I’m just gonna move,
– [Will] Benvolio is going to move one character from
the council to exile. Who is Benvolio moving?
– You’re gonna, you’re gonna move one of the red ones. – Just move one of the red ones. – Well choose one,
it’s important. – Go team pickle. – You aren’t, wait,
which are you? – [Alison] He’s red. – [Jessica] You’re red. – No I put this,
well, I put that down. – [Will] He bet on
Montague, but then – [Alison] Oh that’s
right, but I flipped them. – [Will] but then
we got switched up. So now, basically, if you
want to go with Montague, your team’s dick adjacent, okay? If you want to go, – Or you could be
team lady dicks. – The what now? That, um. – Team dick and pickle? – Oh, I like the sound
of team dick and pickle. The dick and pickle sounds
like a terrific pub. – Yes! The Dick & Pickle! – Let’s go down to
the Dick & Pickle. – In West Hollywood. – Yeah, oh I love it. – And play some games. – [Will] Yeah. – When I go to the
Dick & Pickles, I obviously drink
the dill gin & tonic. It’s basically a gin
& tonic, and then they just put dill
pickle juice in it. And then there’s a
little sprig of dill. It’s weird, but it’s good. – Last time I was at
the Dick & Pickle, Ironically, there
were no pickles. They gave you cucumbers, you
can make your own pickles. That’s like the
kitschy new thing that they’re doing these days. It takes a really long
time to make a pickle. – Also strangely, at
the Dick & Pickle they serve a white Russian,
but they don’t actually put it in a glass. They put it in a super soaker, you just have to
catch as much of it in your mouth as you can. We’ll see you at
the Dick & Pickle. – I really don’t have anything
invested in helping you win, because you and I are
tied for the big prize. – [Alison] Ooo.
– [Will] That’s true. – Oh now I see. Wow. – I already trash
talked you once earlier, which I’m sorry about, because
this is a friendly game. – That’s okay, I see
where we stand now. – [Will] Yeah. – But, you know. Alison, I thought I
was on team pickle, but it’s team lady dicks
now, let’s do this. Alright. Let’s get
you out of this game. – Okay – [Will] Okay, so
who are you moving? – Well, whatever gets
him out of this game. – [Will] Okay, well, he’s only
betting on Juliet right now. So if you want, you
basically you can screw over Lord Montague or Lord Capulet. – Wait, I thought you,
wasn’t one of these… – I put this down, but – [Will and David]
The red got switched. – Because of. – Team lady dick. (laughing) – By team lady dicks over here. – Lady dick! You’re
ruining everything. – I don’t know what’s
happening any more. – But I knew she
was gonna do that. – [Jessica] You’re just
– [David] No I didn’t. so complicated, lady dick. – [Alison] I know. – You’re hard to find. (Will and Alison laughing) Team lady dicks,
let’s get t-shirts. Alright, well, I really just
want to move on at this point. – I think you speak for
everyone when you say that, so. – I’m gonna put on
on the red, I think. – [Will] Okay, so that means so that means you’re
gonna kill Montague? – [Jessica] Yeah. – [Will] Perfect.
– [Alison] By the way, putting them in exile
doesn’t mean they’re killed, they’re just no longer
allowed in Verona. – It just, listen. – We’re not bringing
people back from the dead. – We’re quite angry. – It’s not zombie
Romeo and Juliet. We’re just letting
them back in the city. – Maybe a little bit. – Maybe that’s the expansion. – I’m gonna guess he
doesn’t have Romeo, because his immediate
move would be to do that. – Yeah, I’m kinda
thinking the same thing. – Why would I do that? – [Will] If you bet
Romeo and you have Romeo, Romeo and Juliet score. – Both literally and. – [Will and Alison] Yeah! – That’s what I’m talking about. – Yes, we’re killing it
on the innuendos here. – Yeah, we really are. That’s actually the
password to get into the Dick & Pickle is
just any innuendo. – Any one. Not
the word innuendo. – No, no, it has to
be a good innuendo. My, of course, preferred
method of walking into the Dick & Pickle, when
the little thing is slid apart, is to just put my
finger in like this. – My password to the Dick
& Pickle would probably be like, eh, I got
your pickle right here. And then point to my crotch, where I don’t have a pickle. It doesn’t really work. But they let me in. – Alright guys, we’re gonna do. – [Other players] Oh. Wow. What? – Did not expect that to happen. – I’m playing Romeo on
the council right now, because I think I can heal
Juliet and bring her back over, keep them together. Or if somebody kills
Romeo, they’ll be together. So I know I got that down. But I’m gonna bet on Capulet. – Everything he did makes
literally no sense to me. – I know, it makes
no sense at all. It’s very confusing. – So I feel like I’m
gonna play something and he’s just gonna
renege everything I do. – Alright, so. – I’m just trying to do the
most confusing move possible. – So go, go ahead Alison. Where are you gonna
play your guard? – Alright, well
this is who I have. I have lovely lady nurse. – [Will] The nurse
will move one character from exile to the council. Who would you like to move? – Okay, I’m gonna move Juliet. – [Will] Okay, Romeo and
Juliet are both scoring, so you’re trying to decide if you’re gonna keep.
– I’m just gonna do that. I mean, I might as
well at this point. There’s nothing else.
– You think the lovers are gonna stay together, okay. – There’s nothing
else that’s gonna make any sense for me to bet on. – Right, so and this
is why I’m losing. Because Mercutio’s
agenda is to have more things on there than not there. And I guess, I’m gonna
put a cupcake on Juliet. So where, who do
you have over there? – I’m gonna make this fast,
unlike every other turn. – You’ve picked an interesting
time to start doing that. (Alison laughs) Lady Montague,
– [Jessica] Yep. – [Will] is gonna swap
some influence tokens. – [Alison] Oh God.
– [Will] Where is she going? – I’m gonna put her over here. – [Will] Okay. – This is about to
mess everything up. – Now I’m screwed. – I’m like really upset now. – [Will] Right, and
you can swap any influence tokens that you want. – I’m going to swap
my blue right there. – Yes. – [ Jessica] With the
Juliet’s, the top red. – [Alison] Wow, she
just put all of your eggs in that basket. – [David] She keeps moving me. – [Will] Wow, okay. – [Alison] No, I moved
you the one time. – [Jessica] And then
I’m gonna put this one on the middle of Romeo, yes. – Alright, there you go, and
that’s put there on Romeo. – Oh! Jessica just
totally screwed me up. I did not anticipate
the tokens moving. I played it totally
straight, no bluffing. – I think David has one
of the other kill people. I think you have the
ability to move someone. Not kill, you guys
got me saying it. Exile does not mean
that they are dead. They’re just not in Verona. So yeah, Romeo can
totally date her. She was never dead. She’s not zombie Juliet
for crying out loud. – I wanted those two together,
because I was staked. – [Will] Yeah. – Uh, so I put them
apart, because I knew we could resurrect one of them. – [Will] Oh, you got
the friar to resurrect. So the friar’s gonna come here. – [David] So there’s no
need, there’s no need. – [Will] Do you want to move
a neutral, a Capulet, or a. – [David] Looks just
like I really wanna dominate the council
with red, so. – [Will] Okay, so
you’re gonna move Tybalt over to the council. And that will bring
us up to scoring. (tango music) So, in the world of
putting together the scores from the previous game, where
the two of you had eight. – You sneaky dick pickle. (all laughing) – Which means that Jessica, – Wait, wait, wait, wait,
you know what I should do is take this five here and
just kinda change it to a zero. – [Alison] Did
you just do magic? – [Will] I told you
he could do magic! I told you he was a witch! – How did you do that? – Magic’s not
allowed in this game. – Oh, I got creepy feelings now. – I need to call my therapist. – Maybe it’s because
I have a drawer full of extra tokens here. (Alison and Will laughing) – [Alison] What? – [David] I didn’t know what
you guys were gonna get, so I had to come prepared. (Will and Alison laughing) – That’s why you never
play games with a magician. Congratulations,
you have the won Council of Verona
and Hare & Tortoise, you will go to the
wall of victory, where you will receive a trophy. Guys, you are with me, on an
express train to Loserville. – Woo! – It’s gonna be amazing. Alright team dick! – Team dicks!
– [Will] Yeah! – We’re all winners tonight. – But in a really, in
an actual, real, more meaningful way,
you’re the winner. – I’ll buy you all drinks
at the Dick & Pickle. – [Alison] Yeah!
– [Will] I love that. Fantastic. (fanfare music) Hello, friends. – Hi. – [Will and David] Hello. – I’m not surprised
to be in here today, as a participant and not a host. I did not play well. I’m very surprised to
see the two of you here. (Alison crying)
– I really thought I was dominating until. She is wily. She is a sly, – I don’t know if
she’s wily, or if you know how like
sometimes when people are just like so not
good at playing a game that they play it well? – That it comes all
the way back around? – [Alison] Yeah. – That’s kinda bad loserism
over there, Alison. (Alison laughing) I mean, I don’t know
how I feel about that. – That’s what I mean, I
don’t know if she was playing us with the whole, like, I
didn’t test well on my IQ test. – But she had some incredible
insight at the end there, which is like, wait a
minute, we’re neck and neck, I’m gonna throw
you under the bus. – You’re right, I think she
played us the whole time. – And I was too kind-hearted
to not even think about that. – I think she played us. – And that was, that was,
uh, that was magical of you. I want to show you guys
a pretty cool magic trick that I made up myself. – [Alison] Really? – Are you ready? – [David] Okay. I like that. – [Will] No one can see
me, because it’s magic. – That was awesome. – He’s just behind the. – I mean you’re, you do this. – No, wait, where’d he go? – I don’t know, but you do it. – Poof. I’m gone. – That was terrible. – Sorry. – Jessica, we played
a couple of like, deception games today
and you were better than everyone at them
and there was some talk in the loser’s
lounge that maybe you were playing everybody
all the way through. Would you care to address that? – I think I might have
been playing myself all of these years. – Really? – Maybe I have such low
self-esteem that I have more self-esteem
than anyone I know. – Yeah, that makes sense. Well, let me tell
you something that’s probably going to help
increase your self-esteem. Because you played
so well today, and surprised the (beep)
out of the world and won. You get a TableTop
Trophy of Awesome! – I don’t know what to do! – Well hang on while I
engrave this trophy for you. – You can’t take that back. You can’t unengrave something. – No, I can’t. It’s
legit. It’s real. It was hand-crafted
with you in mind. Please receive this from
us with our gratitude and make any speech
if you so desire. – This has a lot
of weight to it. I’m going to put this
on my mantle piece, which I don’t own
a mantle right now, so I’m going to build
one with this in mind. – Wow. – Thank you so much. – You’re welcome. And thank you for coming
to play with us today. – TableTop is so
important, everyone. – Ah, that rules, that
makes me really happy. She’s right, TableTop
is important. And until next time,
play more games. (peppy music)

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