How To Be The Coolest Guy In The Room

How To Be The Coolest Guy In The Room


The rivalry between Iron Man and Captain America
has reached a fever pitch with Civil War, and in the movies and the comics, both are
incredibly effective leaders. What’s undeniable though is that people follow them for different
reasons because, Iron Man, quite frankly, is much cooler than Captain America. In fact,
Captain America can be kind of a dweeb. In honor of Civil War, I want to take a look
at the two actors behind these characters, because whether Iron Man has bled into Robert
Downey Jr. or vice versa, the fact is that they have both mastered the art of witty banter
and cool demeanor. Chris Evans more mirrors Captain America and
they both still make great leaders, but in a very different way. So let’s take a look
at how some tiny habits make Robert Downey Jr. and Tony Stark come across as very cool,
while Chris Evans in Captain America come across as something else entirely. Let’s begin with the most noticeable habit,
how frequently Robert Downey Jr. and Tony Stark both use sarcasm. So here’s Robert Downey
Jr. accepting the award for Best Actor at the 2013 Choice Awards. Clearly Robert is just kidding, but sarcasm
is a habit that he has. Specifically, he takes a lot of opportunities to jokingly elevate
himself. Tony Stark is very much the same way, joking
that people miss him when he arrives in Iron Man 2. And both Tony Stark and Robert are not shy
about telling you the amazing things that their lifestyle can afford, without playing
up any false humility. Here’s Tony Stark when asked about if he actually slept with 12 Maxim
cover girls. You see there? He answers the question as if it’s
no big deal, even though everyone else in the world wouldn’t be able to tell that story
without a big grin on their face. Robert does something similar. Here is an example of all
the cast members responding when asked if they’ve been able to take any small mementos
home from the set of the Avengers. So the stage is set here. No on on the cast
took anything. They were too nervous to do that because Marvel and Disney are so locked
down about everything that’s on the set, then Robert chimes in and says this, without even
smiling. Everybody else smiles because of how cool
that is, but Robert purposely doesn’t even act very amused with it. He is unabashed when
it comes to making jokes that elevate his status and even in telling true stories that
elevate his status. And he tells all of that in ways that make it seem totally normal for
him, which is, because he’s Robert Downey Jr. All of that creates an aura of cool. He is
absolutely not bashful in the limelight. In fact, he thrives on it, and even jokes that
he deserves much more of it. Chris Evans handles things very, very differently.
He kind of like you might imagine the Captain America would. He downplays his own role when
the limelight comes to him and he thanks every one else. Now this is the same award we just watched
Robert win a minute ago, just two years later. Interestingly, Chris doesn’t make a joke about
he deserve it. He just says “Thank you” sincerely. That choice between joking and sincerity will
come up in your life every single time you receive any kind of compliment or praise. Responding one way isn’t better than the other,
but the one that you tend towards will have a huge impact in how you’re perceived. Choose
to be sincere more often, and people will see you as gracious, genuine, and kind. Choose
to crack a joke more often, and people will see you as funny and composed. It is worth
mentioning though that the type of joke that you crack has a huge impact. There is a large
difference between being self-deprecating, as Chris Evans does at the end of this speech And being self aggrandizing like we saw Robert
do before Again, there is a trade-off. Self-deprecating
jokes won’t upset anyone, but if you do them too often, you risk coming off as very insecure. Self aggrandizing jokes will typically come
off as more cool, but some people are going to think that you’re just arrogant. One last
wrinkle to add to this whole joking idea is that there’s a huge difference between smiling
when you crack a joke and not smiling. You see, sometimes the line between joking and
seriousness is not obvious. In those cases, we look at context clues to tell us whether
or not the person is joking or kind of just being a jerk. Typically, the biggest clue is whether or
not they laugh and smile. If they don’t smile, it can leave us kind of confused. For an example
of that, check out this next clip where Robert jokes about not inviting Jimmy Fallon to his party. You see, here, Robert says it in a very deadpan
manner and kind of lets it sit, and it is true that he didn’t invite Jimmy to the party,
but the way he said it comes across as sarcastic, so even though Robert does follow up in just
a second here by saying that it would have been nice to have you, the tension is never
released, because Robert doesn’t break and smile and speak in a different tone. So watch
how the rest of this interaction unfolds. Watch this last part back and pay special
attention to Jimmy’s eyebrows, and then, how he chuckles for seemingly no reason at all.
What you’ll see is that Jimmy is trying to release some of the tension that’s created
by Robert’s joke that he wasn’t invited. Robert never laughed for him, so Jimmy kind of gets
this “Yeesh” look, and those are the eyebrows, and then, that little chuckle, which is his
way of saying, “Ha,ha, it was just a joke even though I don’t really feel like it.” Now I know that a lot of groups of friends
will say stuff like, “You know, we’re buddies. It’s all good between us. It’s okay. We all
know he’s just joking.” But the truth is, sarcastic jokes with no release, that are
at someone’s expense do not make people feel good, even if you’re close. It makes them
wonder if you like them, no matter how long you’ve been friends. That feeling just sits, and because
of this, you get the sense that Jimmy is the one who is vying for Robert to like him for the
rest of this interaction. And that’s one way that the cool guy effect
is created. Contrast that with what you tend to see from Chris Evans. When he makes jokes,
not only does he do self-deprecation, but he tends to make jokes that elevate other
people. Watch here for an example how he jokes that he wishes people would think he looked
like Chris Hemsworth. So the content of that joke is that he wishes
people thought that he was Hemsworth; that he wishes he could be more like Hemsworth,
and we know that he’s joking because it’s so over the top and he laughs, but this joke
is basically the opposite of what you saw Robert Downey do. There was no tension created here
and you can see it in the way that Chris Hemsworth responds. If anything, there was a little
moment of pride, and that’s what happens when you elevate people in your joke. Watch again
how he spreads the good vibe around. Here he cracks a joke about how integral Robert
was to making all of these Marvel movies and how, even though that’s the truth, he’s going
to be humble about it. So, at the same time, he is talking of Robert Downey’s importance
and his humility. Even in this next clip, when he’s allude a joking opportunity to tease
Chris Pratt, he goes the complete opposite direction and puts himself down while elevating
Chris Pratt. The point here is that not only do you have
an option of whether or not you’re going to joke or be sincere in your conversations.
You also have the option of which direction you’d take those jokes. Will you use it to
elevate your own status and tease others or will you be self-deprecating while elevating
others. The first option is probably gonna make you more cool and respected. The second
makes you more likable. I see the same trade-off in the way that people handle other people’s jokes. At this point, if I told you that one person
laughs really, really loudly at other’s jokes and the other is more reserved, you probably
know who is who. Clearly, there’s a pattern between Chris and Robert, so let’s go ahead
and watch as Chris tilts his head back and laughs like crazy even when people make jokes
about him. So watch now as Chris Hemsworth disses Captain America for being a nuance character. Even though Hemsworth is saying that he didn’t
really bring in any nuance to his character, Evans takes it totally unpersonally. He falls
over in his seat and insists that that joke was perfect. This shows that he isn’t actually
insecure about these jokes, and it makes Hemsworth feel great. We all want to be funny. So when
someone bursts out laughing at our joke and insists that it was perfect, we can’t help
but feel this swell of pride. I’m sure that you had someone in your life giving you that
experience and made you want to spend more time with the person who was laughing at your
jokes. Robert Downey on the other hand tends to be
more muted, purposely stifling sometimes his own laughter. It isn’t that he doesn’t have
a sense of humor, it’s just he prefers to play like he didn’t find the joke funny so
that he can respond with more banter, and you can tell, because they tease him for being
old in this next clip, and after a few seconds, he finally breaks at the end and laughs. So notice here, he very purposely is not laughing. And then, he can’t keep up. He was about to say something quippy and funny in response,
but he gets touched too many people teased him, and he finally laughs. That is very common
for him is that he will restrain his own laughter and prepare to make another joke in response,
rather than sharing that laughter with other people and letting them know that their joke
was really funny. At this point, I’ve spent a lot of time talking
about joking, because, really, that’s one of the biggest drivers of whether you are
more perceived as cool and respected, or as likable. But, there’s one other piece that’s
very important, and that is where you put your attention. Where you place your attention
when you’re speaking to someone has a huge effect on whether or not they feel the need
to prove themselves to you. So, in this next clip, he’s got glasses on, but you can still
see how Robert’s attention and eye contact seemed to wander after he’s answered the question,
sometimes, in the middle of the question, looking over his shoulder or at the camera,
basically, anywhere other than right at the interviewer. If you’re speaking to him, this can create
a bit of a feeling that you need to win his attention back all the time. And it creates
a moment of anxiety that maybe he’s going to walk away. What that does is make you want
to be more interesting so that you can maintain all of his attention. That’s another point
in the cool column as you work to win his favor. Chris Evans on the other hand tends to just
look the person in the eye as he’s speaking to them, especially when they’re asking him
a question. That way, the person feels less like they need to win him over. And you can
see right here in this clip, this is a great example of it. Now, the truth of all of this
is that both Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans don’t do any of these things all the time.
For instance, Robert Downey Jr. will sincerely answer questions and talk people up. And Chris Evans will take joking disses at
his friends. Now, obviously, we all exhibit some of these
habits some of the time, but what it comes down to is the balance that you find, and
that is created due to your interaction habits. We all have habits when it comes to human
interaction. Robert’s habits make the people around him feel odd more often than not, but,
also, potentially insecure as to their status. That is really what cool is. It’s when people
think that you’re amazing, but they are kind of unsure if they stack up. And then you see how Chris’ habits may not
come across as cool, but still make him extremely likable. And that is the big difference
between the two patterns that we saw today. The cool pattern, as exemplified by Robert
Downey Jr. in Iron Man is self-elevating jokes, distracted attention, all that kind of stuff
that is going to make people walk away from you thinking, “I hope that guy likes me.” I would call the other habit that we saw in
Chris Evans the giver pattern, and that is jokes that talk people up, focused attention.
That’s going to make people walk away thinking, “You know, what? I really like that guy.”
You can, of course, do both of these at different times, and, of course, you can be likable
and cool, but you do have to choose which way you will lean more often than not. You
have to choose which habits you’re going to go to more often. I know that I titled this video “Why Iron
Man is Cooler?” But in my opinion, you are actually better off leaning towards being
likable than cool. That leads to people around you feeling better and, for me, that is worth
it. So I recommend that you find the right balance for you. If you want to create more
intrigue, more respect, maybe you add a bit of Downey’s cockeyed banter. If you want to
make other people feel good more often, maybe you allow yourself to laugh like crazy at
other people’s jokes. In short, you just pay attention to how your
habits are making the people around you feel. Those habits are going to be the blueprint
for the impression that you make most of the time. And if you’re interested in the blueprint
to making an amazing first impression, we’ve actually set up a different video that covers
those four emotions that guarantee a great first impression every time. Hit those four
emotions in the right order and you are set in any kind of environment, from the boardroom,
all the way to a bar or a party. So, if you want those, go ahead and click the box.
It’s gonna take you to a page where you can submit your email and get immediate access
to to that video, so that you begin using those emotions today. If you’ve enjoyed this video and want to be
the first to know whenever we post new ones, go ahead, now, click the button and subscribe
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you don’t have to worry ever missing a new video or tracking us down. So, go ahead now,
click that button and you’ll get lots more breakdowns, fictional ones, non-fictional
ones, plus the best tips that I have for being your most charismatic and confident self in
the moments that count the most. If you guys have any video suggestions, please,
please, write those down in the Comments. I know that a lot of you have asked for more
Game of Thrones, and I have some good ideas brewing, plus I’m waiting and expecting some
more good material in Season 6. There will be more Game of Thrones coming. Also, I know that a lot of you asked, how
I know these sort of things and how I do these breakdowns, and I plan on talking about that
in a video sometime later this week. So thank you, guys, for those comments. They really
help a lot in terms of letting me know where to go next. I hope that you have enjoyed this video and
I will see you in the next one.

100 thoughts on “How To Be The Coolest Guy In The Room”

  1. What the hell??? You got that completely wrong. In terms of personality Stark is much cooler. Not JUST in general. Because if you ask me being, jacked having insane (pretty much inhuman) strength and stamina and agility that can easily match that of Peter Parkers isn't lame. Its definitely up there with superior intellect, charismatic, charming, and cool. So yeah, only personality wise Stark is cooler. I'd say everywhere else their about equal in terms of likeness.

  2. Also RDJ is humble and does give credit to his friends that he works with even though he has the bravado. Chris is humble bc he turned down the Cap role so many times that after the success he realized he could have lost it all.

  3. What about the coolest girl? HMMMMMMMMMMMMM? 😁 I don’t know what but that made me laugh because I said the hmmm part in my head very dramatically! 😅😂

  4. OMG, these videos are gold. I am actually learning so much about how I could change my self to be someone people actually want to hang around with. Thank you so much C.O.M I could never be who I am if I had not seen your videos.- Anthony Rodriguez

  5. I've found that the people I like the most overall are like Chris initially and slowly transition into being like Robert as that boundary of safety is crossed

  6. Lol had to click this to see what he had to say and funny enough I’m the cross between them lmao! Never really thought about what made my likability till now but for the record I’m a touch more like how he describes Robert but enough of the captain to be respectable

  7. unschuldshascherl

    I never really smile when I make a joke. Though when people stare at me to figure out if I am serious sometimes I am nice enough to make a short Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock smile, you know, just moving the mouth's corners for a short moment but often I just look at them with this "what, is something wrong" face. And yes, many people don't like me and think I am arrogant or weird or both but well, I don't care. That is the nice thing about being sarcastic, you don't care about people's opinions about you.

  8. There's a difference between being cool, and being self conceited. It's either that, or his gone back to doing drugs?

  9. The key difference that I like Cap better then iron is cap is respectful and not self-centered like iron. For an example If you are trying to get a job the boss is not going to look for a cool person that I selfish and making it look like there better then you. Like cap, you should be respectful and be selfless and make it feel like they see you as being better then there self. There is more reasons why cap is better then iron but that’s one. That’s why I am on team cap.

  10. What I like about RDJ is even though he is the 'cool guy', he is extremely respectful of those around him. Whenever he is with a group of people in an interview, he will always bring attention to those who are being ignored and ask them questions of his own if the interviewer is skipping past them.

  11. "Iron Man is much cooler than Captain America"
    That's like saying that HotWheels are much cooler than Matchbox cars. There's nothing "cool" about the superhero genre. It's basically the same as the "bread and games" that Rome provided its citizenry, but with CGI effects.

  12. People waste so much of their lives pretending to be cool to please others.
    Look at all the decrepit baby boomers today that are still so desperate to look cool (and failing miserably) & how childish they are.
    They can't be trusted & their lives are mostly a trainwreck as they're still trying to live like irresponsible teenagers.
    Don't be those assholes who are a constant burden on everyone around them.
    Just be yourself & focus on your strengths instead.
    Captain America is cooler than Iron Man because he has his shit together & acts like a responsible adult.
    People feel calm, relaxed & trusting around guys like Cap while man-children like Stark make people feel on edge.
    No one is loyal to people like Stark; they just hang around for the good times & want to be nowhere close when guys like him ultimately self-destruct.

  13. Duncan Custom Airbrush

    RDJ is the exact opposite of what I would 2ant to be – rarely smiles and laughs, and makes people feel extremely uncomfortable. He comes off as arrogantly conceded and I could walk away from him caring less if he liked me or not. Rather, give me Chris Hemsworth anyday, or Chris Evans for that matter: humble, kind, generous, and uplifting.

  14. Well if you were watching TV throughout the 80’s, you’d know that Robert Downey Jr. has always had the most clever sarcasm built into his constitution. His natural personality is actually very captivating. So I would say that you did a solid by using him as an example.

  15. really nice video, but i personally think people like chris evans/ captain america are cooler, because they dont need the attention etc. but they take it if it is there, respecting others, laughing about yourself and everything like this.

  16. "Leaders?" je ne sais pas ce que c'est.
    Here on this continent, it's not the social norm to grovel, to be submissive. While there are admirable qualities in possibly most individuals, following without question is transparent dementia.

  17. Rober Downey is just really sensitive about his role and what it means to the cast and himself that he is leaving that role… Love this guy a lot – he is so wonderful!!!

  18. Dang, impressive breakdown and I love the format of Downey vs Evans to illustrate it even more crystal clear 🙌🙌

  19. your channel help me to control and understood a lot of emotion that i used to do it by habit without noticed my self, specially this video tell me why people like me all this time and i am really really thanks full dude .thanks ..
    but I have to say if cool guy met with kindly man he will kill kindly man self trust and sense of humor so he cant balance it any more.
    if you have any videos to how to deal with a cool guy please submit it .
    Keep moving 👏👏

  20. I think this is funny how they are like Disney and marvel are so strict. Maybe the movies are but the parks are not… I took small props that no one would notice from rides I worked at Disney world like a jewel from the cave in jungle cruise and a gold doubloon from the treasure scene in pirates of the Caribbean

  21. I found this interresting as a example of how to handle cocky people as the friendly guy.
    8:49 – Reporter asks RDJ something about him "being the godfather of superhero movies" – and of course he was about to say something cocky.

    But before RDJ can even answer Chris interrupts him with some praise "Whether he feels it or not, he is!", taking his words out of his mouth, jokingly acting like there was a possibility that he would answer in a humble way.

    And then he puts the icing on the cake with "You know, hes gonna say something really humble… etc" – which is, of course, gently poking fun at the fact that there was just about no chance that he was going to say something humble.

    So theres a example of the nice guy making some slightly sarcastic fun about the cocky/cool guy without actually being offensive. Just a bit of friendly banter, poking fun at his "humbleness" and the obviously unrealistic possibility that he would not present himself in a (albeit sarcastic) self-aggrandizing way.

    Curious if others saw it that way as well, but I'm pretty certain I'm reading this right.
    Imo it was a bit of a missed opportunity that they didn't analyze this segment some more.

  22. After years of research I have discovered the perfect balance!!!

    Be stone faced and sarcastic with your own jokes but laugh at other peoples jokes

  23. once an actor is caught doing drugs, raping children, or any infraction of the law where a poor person tax payer would spend time in jail for , that actor in the public eye should never have the ability to work ever again and their money taken from them !!! harsher punishment , they are in the public eye

  24. Directed sarcasm requires assessment of that persons intelligence ,if you are just slightly over Jimmy happens.
    Jimmy just cant stretch enough to catch the context at the moment.
    Robert does realise that but the damage is done and hes smart enough to let it rest ,because he can't effectively fix it and stay in character.

  25. To be fair..its easier to be nice then it is to be cool….of course…the downside of being nice…is the risk of becoming Jimmy Fallon…

  26. Roberts self centered and cool-kid behavior would annoy me after a while… He is cool but Evans seems more honest and authentic

  27. I've noticed a lot of people might think Steve Rogers is a very bland character, but if you actually study him in all his scenes he's a very complex and relatable character. As a fanfic writer who has had to watch Marvel scenes over and over and over and pay very close attention to expression, actions, thoughts, and responses to other characters. He's sort of the outcast who puts on the '"Captain" persona because he thinks that's all people want from him. He's very tense around other people even before becoming frozen. The only people he ever really opened up with was Bucky, Natasha, and Wanda. He relates to the outcasts of the Avengers and can easily be seen losing the Captain persona to comfort or help them.

    I can easily relate to Steve and Evans because I will often be appointed as the leader because I obsess over details and getting things done; being a very punctual person. But around my friend, I'm very relaxed, joking, and bring people up. If anything I'm a bit of a procrastinator on my own. I can take and love compliments, I but would much rather give them to my friend.

    Sorry, I went on a rant. But hey, thanks for reading if you got this far :3

  28. After finding out that Evans didn't care about alienating his fan base and bashing Trump supporters (of course after the Marvel contract was over), then you realize that RDJ is a coherent, more transparent guy, the other is just a PR construction.

  29. These late night shows are so hard to watch. God the awkwardness is very cringe. I have no idea how these shows have survived for so long, it's so very forced and awkward. Maybe that's the point.

  30. So Chris makes you love him because he makes you feel good while Robert makes you like him because he makes you feel bad… Hummm… interesting how we prefer people that make us feel bad

  31. The oddest, most ironic thing is that back around 2004/2005, young Chris Evans who played Johnny Storm in Fantastic Four played a hotheaded, arrogant jerk, much like RDJ and Tony Stark. That version of Evans never came across all that humble and good guyish. But then suddenly in the 2010s he plays Captain America and he's a boy scout even when he's off screen.

  32. The thing is i am keep saying sacrasting things but people think i am joking but i'm not.I am not triyng to be a jerk either.

  33. Personally, I like Iron Man and RDJ a bit more but anyways if you're trying to achieve the types of humor that both RDJ and Evans have, you have to be careful because otherwise you can come off as not as self confident or to arrogant! It's not really a coincidence that they both have characters that match their personalities in a way though! I'm glad that they played the superheroes that they did though! We may never know if anyone else could've pulled off Iron Man as well as he did but I think he was perfect to play as him!

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