Jimmy Performs Tonight Show Monologue for Empty Audience

Jimmy Performs Tonight Show Monologue for Empty Audience


-Hi, everyone.
Welcome to “The Tonight Show.” I’m Jimmy Fallon. As of this morning,
we planned to do a show with a full audience,
but as the day progressed and the more
we thought about it, we and NBC decided it be smarter
to not have an audience in order to do our part to help decrease
the spread of the coronavirus. So the show’s gonna be a little
different than it normally is. Like you, I’m watching the news, and I’m just as confused
and freaked out as you are. I know that speech last night
didn’t help. But what I do know is,
when we’re there for each other, we’re at our best. And I am here for you.
We are here for you. I want to thank
our staff and crew, many of whom worked from home… [ Cheers and applause ]
…to put on this show tonight. I really appreciate you guys. We’re gonna try
to entertain you. We’re gonna have Dr. Oz out here
in a little bit to walk us through what’s
going on and what we can do. So if you want,
maybe just put your phones down and enjoy an hour
of mindless entertainment. It’s gonna be a fun show.
The Roots are here! [ Cheers and applause ] Higgins is here. Now let’s start the monologue.
Here we go. [ Laughter ] -Budget cuts.
-Could we get smaller cards? -Yeah, no —
-When we have a regular show, they’re bigger cards.
-Yeah. -Well, guys, if the world
isn’t suffering enough, last night
on “The Masked Singer,” we found out Sarah Palin
was the bear, and she even performed
without her mask. Check it out. -♪ Deep in the jeans
she’s wearing ♪ ♪ I’m hooked,
and I can’t stop staring ♪ ♪ Oh, baby ♪ ♪ Want to get wit’cha ♪ ♪ And take your picture ♪ [ Laughter ] -I’m sure it’s fine. I mean, when has a conservative
celebrity on a reality show ever been a problem?
[ Laughter ] Of course, the big story
is the coronavirus. These are
some really tense times. Seriously, at this point, I wouldn’t mind a massage
from Joe Biden. [ Laughter ] Last night, President Trump
addressed the nation from the Oval Office. It was a nice change
from his usual speeches right next to a helicopter. [ Helicopter blades whirring ]
“I’m about to go on a trip in this flying whirlybird car. Me go in sky now.
Bye-bye.” This is only the second time
Trump has addressed the country from the Oval Office. The first was during the great
McRib shortage of 2018. [ Laughter ] Actually, the last time Trump
spoke from the Oval Office, it was about his plans
to build his border wall, which means in two years, the coronavirus should be about
10% taken care of. [ Laughter ] But Trump wanted to give a
speech to reassure the nation that everything is gonna be
okay, and I think it worked. Today, the stock market
only dropped 2,000 points. [ Laughter ] During his address, Trump said,
starting Friday, people from Europe can’t fly
to the U.S. He was like,
“We have to stop the virus, so instead of flying here, I want everyone
to take a cruise.” [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] And officials —
normally when we do this, we rehearse these jokes…
-Right. -…in front of
a rehearsal audience, but today, obviously,
there’s no audience. -Yeah.
-Just bear that in mind. [ Light laughter ] I think you know already.
-Yeah. -Yeah. Anyways.
Yeah. And officials want
to be very careful with the Americans
returning from Europe. They said the only thing worse
than coming back with the virus is coming back and pronouncing
Barcelona, “Barthelona.” [ Laughter ] -[ Laughing ] Hey. “Esprestho.” -But early on
in Trump’s address last night, he struggled with the word
“continuing.” -I am confident that by counting
and continuing to take these tough measures… [ Laughter ] -Can we see —
What? What was it? Can we watch that again?
What was it? -I am confident that by counting
and continuing to take… -That’s good, that’s good,
that’s good. -Oh.
[ Laughter ] “I’m confident by counting —
and continuing –” It sounds like his tongue
is quarantined from his mouth. [ Laughter ] Was someone
pinching him under the desk? “Counting –”
[ Inhales sharply ] “And continuing.” Did you see this?
C-SPAN did a livestream of Trump’s speech,
but it went on a little longer than they meant to. You could actually see Trump
after his speech was over. Watch this. -We’re clear.
-Okay. Ok-a-ay. [ Laughter ] -Come on!
-He’s like, “Ok-a-ay. So…
So that just happened. Okay.” Sounds like everyone
trying to wrap a long call with their parents.
“Okay. I gotta run.” Mm.
-Hmm. -Mm.
-Oh, that’s a new pile. [ Laughter ] Oh, come on.
No. No.
-No! -Dude, I’m waiting
for J.P. Morgan to stop me. -No!
No! -Oh. -Shredder!
[ Motor whirring ] -Okay.
[ Laughter ] Meanwhile, today,
Trump spoke alongside the prime minister of Ireland. You can tell Trump
enjoyed his time with the Irish prime minister
’cause right after, he declared the coronavirus
“magically contagious.” [ Laughter ] -Hey! -♪ They’re magically
contagious ♪ ♪♪ All right.
In the middle there. But this isn’t good.
Last night, the NBA announced that they are suspending
the season indefinitely. That means, across the country,
there are now 30 empty arenas, or as that’s also known,
a tour for Three Doors Down. [ Laughter ] -Oh, no, you didn’t! [ Cymbal crash ]
-I didn’t do that. Oh, snap. -What?
-Wow! -I didn’t — I didn’t write it. I didn’t do it — say it.
You said it. [ Laughter ] What —
What’s Three Doors — What song did
Three Doors Down do? -Uh…
-“Superman,” right? Something about…
-Oh, oh. ♪ If I go crazy, then will
you still call me Superman ♪ [ Singing gibberish ] ♪ Holding my hand ♪ [ Singing gibberish ] ♪ My super human ♪ ♪ My kryptonite ♪ ♪ Ye-e-e-e-e-ah! ♪ Not that bad. -Wow. We know that. [ Laughter ] -How do you know that? I know almost every word. -I’m impressed
that we know that. [ Laughter ] I’m sorry.
-I should write down all the new songs…
-Yeah, exactly. -…that we learned
while doing these shows. Yeah.
-There you go. -Right?
-Yeah. -A lot of things are happening.
In fact, a lot of companies have sent home
nonessential employees. So if you’re at home right now,
I’m glad you’re safe and sorry that you’re considered
nonessential. [ Laughter ] “All right.
I guess I’m nonessential? Is that cool?”
-“Come on.” -And, finally,
I read about a company that started selling packs
of 20 pre-made jello shots. Americans heard and were like,
“Forget Purell. Just give us that.
Hey! Ba-dum ching!” [ Rim shot ]
That’s it. That is tonight’s monologue,
everybody, right there. [ Laughter ] I don’t know why I was saving —
-Come on, yeah. -Maybe I’ll put it on an
inspiration board or something.

100 thoughts on “Jimmy Performs Tonight Show Monologue for Empty Audience”

  1. at 0:51 fallon said an hour of mindless entertainment yet there is only about 25 mins of footage uploaded…. wheres the rest? is the other 60% just commercials?

  2. This is dumb. Shouldn't the virus be spread? In order for us to build up an immunity? The news and idiots like him are the reason people are scared. The news only reports those infected but don't report the ones that have actually healed.

  3. Plus I bet the staff are enjoying this exclusive private show. Finally the ones behind the scenes get a once in a lifetime treat!

  4. I know all these late night hosts do is bash trump, but surely they can just give it a rest during a serious situation. It's cheap humour and a bit boring now.

  5. A lot of propels liking this style with no audience but Anyone who watched attack of the show, machinima/inside gaming, or similar shows finds this familiar, this style works

  6. People praising this coz it doesn't feel forced.

    Fallon was always great at Monologues, in fact he's the best because of fantastic writing, which he plays a role in. His Interviewing skills is not good, in the bottom amongst all.

    In Monologue & Skits, Fallon tops all competition because he's a better writer which is more important in PG Era.

    Best Interviewer: Conan

  7. they should have sung "here without you" from 3 doors down
    i like this no audience mode, looks like he's just hanging out with friends, love it!
    be safe everybody

  8. Colbert's one seemed more genuine I think. I think the main difference is Colbert engaged with the fact that there was no one in the audience while you seems more forced

  9. Why was I under the impression Fallon was a fan of trump?
    This show was really nice, thanks for doing it anyway! I hope Meyers also continues his show!

  10. Hey Jimmy, you are a sheeple. Throw in that dig at the President. You are the reason why President Trump will be reelected.

  11. i’m seriously loving these talk shows with no audience. seth meyers, sam bee and now jimmy all seem so much more laid back and comfortable like there’s less pressure on them to be professional. it’s refreshing 🙂

  12. Did you ever watch anything on TV (fiction) and wonder how weird or freaky that would be if that really happened? I’m getting that same feeling only 10x worse because, this is actually happening. I feel like we are experiencing as close as we would ever hope to something like martial law (with most being cancelled, fear or inability to leave your house or go to work). This is a nice little blip against what’s precipitated in the last 48 hours but it’s still just freaky as hell.

  13. Thank you, Jimmy!! This was exactly what I needed tonight! God bless y'all, and please be safe and healthy, everyone! Cheers!

  14. Sorry, I’m not a Trump fan, didn’t vote for him and won’t vote for him, but Trump jokes are easy and what both stupid comedians and people laugh at. Seems like a crutch that comedians and late night show hosts can’t do without.

  15. Oof that was rough. Fallon needs those rehearsals that’s for sure. Easily the worst of the audience-free late night shows last night.

  16. The speech helped. Why do you have to start out so damn negative????
    Click and your off. 😊
    Help each other, keep your hands washed.
    Take care all.

  17. An oompa loompa as leader of the free world. Sure, what could go wrong??? And my PM is an inanimate object notorious for not even showing up for the kinda important stuff. The while country was ablaze and we were trying to catch him on his mobile between tours in Hawaii. I'm sure everything is gonna be just fine.
    There's no toilet paper in any of the supermarkets and peoplei are stealing all of the masks and hand sanitizers from the hospital. This sort of panic and hysteria before the virus really hits, but we're gonna be just fine. Just fine hey? Everything is gonna be fine

  18. Jimmy u are the best. Even without the audience you are funnny… the awkwardness of your jokes without laughter reminds me of being in my dorm room making jokes in front of my new friends that are no longer my Friends haha

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