-I was running a bit behind
today, so I thought, if you guys wouldn’t mind,
I’d just like to write out my weekly thank-you notes
right now. Is that cool with you guys? [ Cheers and applause ] Hey, James, can I get some
thank-you-note-writing music, please?
[ Slow music plays ] That’s more than enough.
Thank you, James. That’s enough. Thank you, James.
-That’s good. [ Laughter ] Man. -More than enough.
-Look at me. Look at me. -More than enough. Yeah. [ Laughter ] Guess it’s the “James Show”
all of a sudden. -Yeah, I guess. [ Laughter ] [ Slow music plays ] -Thank you, giving things up
for Lent, or as it’s also known, “Let’s Try This New Year’s
Resolution One More Time.” [ Music stops ] I’m gonna give up chocolate
again. -Yeah, no chocolate. [ Vocalizes ] -I’m a chocoholic.
-Really? I’m an alcoholic. [ Laughter ] Sad, isn’t it?
-Mine’s cute. -Oh, well. Mine’s cute, too.
Mm. -[ Laughs ] Gosh. [ Slow music plays ] Thank you, Skrulls from
the new “Captain Marvel” movie, for looking how I feel
the day after St. Patrick’s Day. It’s like…
[ Laughter, applause ] [ Laughs ]
[ Slow music plays ] Thank you, Ferrero Rocher,
for being the only candy that’s pronounced
like you already have it stuck in your teeth. Like, [mumbling]
“It’s Ferrero Rocher.” [ Deep voice ] Ferrero Rocher.
-That Tom Brokaw? -[ Normally ] Yeah. [ Slow music plays ] Thank you, people who order
gluten-free beer at a bar, for finding the perfect way
to let people know that you care about your health,
but not really. [ Laughter, applause ]
[ Music stops ] -Eh. [ Slow music plays ] -Thank you, Emergen-C, or as
people in their 20s call it, health insurance.
[ Laughter, applause ] [ Music stops ]
Preventative. -Yeah. [ Slow music plays ] -Thank you, paper straws,
for giving me a good two sips before I’m just sucking
on wet cardboard. [ Laughter, applause ]
[ Music stops ] -Is that
the last thank-you note? -What’s that?
[ Laughter ] This here? No, it’s probably —
Yeah, it might be the last one. Just for now, though.
-Okay. -Yeah, I mean,
it’ll be back next Friday with all fresh thank-you notes.
-Oh. Oh, my God. I’m so relieved.
[ Laughter ] I thought that was gonna be
the last thank-you note. Of all time. -No, no. Just now. Just tonight.
-Oh, okay. Just for today. ‘Cause you did a bunch of them
before… so now there’s no more
in the pile. Should’ve used my brain. That’s the last one. I gotcha now, chief. All up here. -I wasn’t —
-Io capisco. Right here, baby. -Wasn’t even like a —
-A quiz? A test? -Yes, it was not a quiz
or a test. -No, ’cause I figured it out. I passed the test.
That’s the last thank-you note. Go for it. Knock it out of the park. -[ Chuckles ] -No pressure. [ Laughter ] [ Slow music plays ]
-Thank you, gas station convenience stores, for always being there
in case I need a phone charger, a map, or some bootleg Viagra
with a dragon on it. There you go, everybody.
Those are my thank-you notes!