The Fucking Terminator (The Jimquisition)

The Fucking Terminator (The Jimquisition)


[Background music from Terminator: Resistance plays] [background music continues, no spoken audio] Ghost Recon Breakpoint is a very shit game. It’s a very shit game that fairly recently held a crossover event with the Terminator to promote Dark Fate, the latest movie that attempts to un-fuck the sprawling shitweb that is the Terminator plotline at this point. The movie came out in October 2019, making Ghost Recon’s Dark Fate crossover just a little bit late when it rolled out in February 2020. I can’t tell you whether or not the Terminator event, or to give it it’s official name, The Terminator Event was good or not! I can’t tell you that because Ghost Recon Breakpoint is SHIT, and I stopped playing it a day after it came out like any ordinary person would. What I can tell you is I’m officially sick to fucking death of seeing a Terminator’s grinning metal mug in videogames lately. Media crosses over all the time. Especially when there’s something to promote. Who can forget Kylo Ren’s AH HA HA HA-larious stint on alleged comedy show, the Saturday Night Live? But really, it’s abundant on American television especially. The Simpsons, Scandal, Law and Order, Bones, all of them have crossed over with other, previously unrelated shows. The X-Files crossed over with COPS of all things. And there’s a Supernatural Scooby-Doo episode even. Videogames are, of course, no exception and the rise of the liiiiive seeeervice in the game industry has allowed more effective and ruthless means of marketing. A (mocking) “live service” game is always online, and constantly updated. Making it easier than ever to plug in some character cameo, often with the lucrative likeness of the portraying Hollywood stars. Most live services feature regular in-game events, and theming the events in honor of an upcoming film is a by-now common practice for a number of titles. Few games have been as receptive to this as Epic Games’ Fortnite. The money-making behemoth has the pop culture exposure and massive mainstream player base to attract interest from marketing departments far and wide across the realm. And it hasn’t been shy about welcoming some of the biggest franchises to its bright and colorful world. The sheer number of crossovers Fortnite had is absolutely staggering. Stranger Things, The Avengers: Infinity War, The Avengers: End Game, Batman, John Wick, Ralph Breaks the fucking Internet! So popular and powerful is Fortnite that a crucial, plot-relevant detail was left out of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and put into the goddamn game! The entire fucking return of Emperor FUCKING Palpatine, the whole driving reason for the film’s plot was not actually IN. THE. FILM. WHOSE PLOT IT WAS DRIVING! No wonder that film is such a GODDAMN SHITSHOW! GOD. DAMN. THE EMPEROR WAS A CLONE?!? THE EMPEROR WAS A CLONE?! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD TO KNOW IN THE FUCKING. FILM. DISNEY! WHO MADE THE SHIPS? WHO MADE THE BIG SHIPS? WHO MADE THE STAR DESTROYERS? THANK YOU, WOOKIEEPEDIA! THANK YOU WOOKIEEPEDIA, FINISHER OF FILMS. FUCK!! FUCK! The idea of a movie or even the – FUCKING NFL?!? WHAAAT?! THE NFL?!? FUCK! Coming to Fortnite in some way, shape, or form has been pretty normalized now. It’s expected for a blockbuster, or even an EDM musician, to add Fortnite to its list of late-night talk shows, actor cameos, Burger King Kids Club meals, and whatever else makes up the almighty marketing machine of a Hollywood production. Do they still do the Burger King Kids Club? Do you remember the Burger King Kids Club kids? (angry mumbles) Fucking smug little turds, I’d like to settle their hash. I had a Burger King Kids Club kid troll doll once. It was the nerd one from the group. IQ! That was its name. Fucker glowed in the dark. I’d like to find that doll again. (angry mutters) Fucking settle its hash. Anyway, Fortnite is becoming such a near-obligatory part of the promotional package that I’m honestly quite surprised Paramount Pictures and Epic Games DIDN’T arrange for some Terminator: Dark Fate event. Especially as a T-800 running around the place would work out pretty perfectly for the companies concerned. However, while Dark Fate did not come to Fortnite, it sure as shit came to some other games. Yes, games, “pleurell” (plural). “Pleuril.” Terminator: Dark Fate has treated the videogame industry like a promotional tour. And the beaming visage of the T-800 has popped up all over the shop. As well as Ghost Recon Breakpoint, Terminator: Dark Fate has had a large, looming presence in both Gears 5 and Mortal Kombat 11. Ensuring that almost anyone who follows gaming news would have at least heard of it, and anyone actually playing will not escape it. Mortal Kombat 11 is the least surprising one. The fighting game franchise has hosted characters from across the horror and science fiction spectrum. Jason Voorhees, Aliens and Predators, Spawn, The Jokester, Freddy Krueger, Madeline. Mortal Kombat is like a social club for monsters. Adding a playable T-800 to Mortal Kombat 11 at least makes as much sense as anything else that’s come to the series. Though apparently, not enough sense for Arnold Schwarzenegger to come in and put a voice to his own likeness. Still! The Terminator, with all his Dark Fate trappings didn’t look TOO out of place next to all the other guest stars. More glaring, and certainly more shameless, is Dark Fate’s insidiously inherent connection to Gears 5. While it’s an over-the-top game about guns with chainsaws and chunks of bloody meat flying all over the place, it does at least attempt to take itself with a degree of seriousness. Even the multiplayer, while not exactly plot relevant, has always attempted to immerse itself in the Gears universe, and re-create the feeling of battle between the COG and the Locust. Or the Locust’s shit counterpart in recent games. As of Gears 5, however, the characters of the Terminator are an irrevocable part of the battle, playable across all non-campaign modes of the game. At launch, there were two ways to access both Sarah Connor and the T-800 Terminator, either pre-ordering the game or playing it through Microsoft’s Xbox Game Pass before the cutoff date of September 16th. At launch, Sarah Connors and T-800s were all over matches, making the Gears 5 multiplayer experience as much a Terminator game as a Gears game. This issue was helped along by the fact that the T-800 was both silent, and darkly metallic, in maps full of dark metal. Making it a more popular choice for its sheer exploitation factor. Little metal skeletons, running everywhere. The Dark Fate train didn’t stop there, though. Shortly after the cutoff period, Gears 5 offered not one, but TWO Terminator: Dark Fate character-backed DLCs. One including the previously-available Sarah Connor and T-800, the other featuring new characters Grace and Rev-9. Now, not only did these packs up the number of Terminator characters spilling into the Gears universe, they also cost an insultingly exorbitant amount of money. $19.99 each. 19 dollars, 99 cents, each. That’s 40 bucks total for four PROMOTIONAL characters. It’s quite a lot of money to pay in order to do a movie’s promotion for it. Usually the ones doing the advertising get financial compensation. But in the game industry, they’re the ones paid for the privilege. And the people I’m talking about, are YOU. The players. Make no mistake, when you go online as a T-800 or Sarah Connor, you’re turning your very avatar into a digital billboard. You are, in game, a walking advertisement for Terminator: Dark Fate. And I’m not having a go at you, I’m as big a sucker as any other fucker, and like the consumer thrall I am, I ran around Gears 5 as a little metal skellington at first because, you know, it’s fucking THERE. It’s pretty hard to resist running around as a little metal skellington when you have the CHANCE to run around as a little metal skellington. But in doing so, I was contributing to a trans-media marketing campaign for FREE in a game that cost ME actual money to access. It’s a helluva grift, really. Presumably, money had already changed hands between Microsoft and Paramount upfront, because ain’t nobody doing these kinds of crossovers for free. Typically, product placement is the result of one company paying another to place the product. And yet, despite the lucrativity of cross-media promotion, Microsoft was able to use a single move tie-in to incentivize its pre-orders, further incentivize its Game Pass, AND make money off two over-priced DLC packs. A trifecta of bonuses from ONE promotion. All while giving Paramount the mountains of exposure it wanted. If this whole scheme was “the crime,” it would be perfect. Similarly, Arnie in Mortal Kombat can be obtained either through the $39.99 Kombat Pack, or on his own for $5.99. Not as insultingly priced as Gears 5’s playable commercials, and as I said earlier, Mortal Kombat is so much more of a fitting setting, but none of the less, you’re paying six bucks for a character model that exists solely to promote the movie. In all its Dark Fate finery. So every time you play as him, you’re the movie studio’s job for it, and not for free, YOU paid to do it! This is true of any videogame promotion where you’re paying to access the promotional material. It’s an amazing scam that people are happy to go along with, because the characters are cool. But the Terminator stuff has really struck me as particularly tacky just because of how much of it there is. A tie-in with a single videogame? Suure. All my criticisms about paying to become advertisements still holds true, but at least it’s one game. Instead, Dark Fate has insinuated itself across multiple franchises in the “triple AAAAAAA” videogame space, and this is all while having its own shitty mobile game tie-in to boot! Gears 5, Mortal Kombat 11, Ghost Recon Breakpoint, like I said earlier, it’s as if Terminator: Dark Fate is using the game industry like a press junket. And the industry is perfectly happy to sell out, or it would, if it had any integrity left TO sell out. I think it left some lying on the floor in the 1980s but that soon got mopped up. Aside from the fact it’s just plain tacky to see the T-800 everywhere like a theme park mascot, it absolutely diminishes the identity of all these games, when they’re all soaked in the exact same fucking branding. T-800s being fucking everywhere devalues both the character itself AND the videogames spreading it around. As all narrative context and personal brand identity has been replaced by ubiquitous, marketing-led guff. All in service to a movie that doesn’t even matter. It’s a sequel to a tired and long-maligned series, and the only reason it’s not been forgotten about already, is because I’m talking about it now. One movie promoted across three completely unrelated games is bloody out of hand. I mean, at least TRY to have some fucking dignity, game publishers. Just TRY. ONCE. Once in your contemptible fucking existences, or at the very least hold out for a better movie than Terminator: Dark Fate. It’s pretty impressive just how desperate for attention Paramount is that it’s willing to organize three separate videogame crossover campaigns for one film. And it’s pretty unsurprising just how desperate for cash videogame publishers are that they’d happily turn their games into advertisement theme parks that charge for the advertisements. I mean, it’s also worth pointing out that all three of these tie-in games feature obscene amounts of microtransactions and/or DLC in their own right. Mortal Kombat is Warner Brothers, so of COURSE there’s a bunch of bullshit to buy, Gears 5 has an in-game economy that’s confusing by design, contrived as it is to ensnare vulnerable players into spending on a whole suite of items alongside a Fortnite-style cosmetic shop. As for Ghost Recon Breakpoint, well… (amused) It’s Ubisoft. You know that game’s going to be as greedy as it is repetitive, which means it will be really fucking greedy. So much money. So much fucking money. So many revenue sources. And it’s still not enough. It’s NEVER enough. Pre-orders, deluxe editions, season passes, DLC, microtransactions, loot boxes, food and beverage promotions, merchandise, branded consumer products, movie crossovers! It’s almost impossible to accurately and satisfactorily describe exactly how much money flows into the videogame industry. No, it’s not a flow, it’s a TORRENT. Torrents and torrents of cash. And it will never be enough. The game industry isn’t happy turning its very player base into a self-perpetuating, living commercial. It feels the need to CHARGE its player base for BEING a self-perpetuating living commercial. On top of everything else it charges for. And it can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with (starts chuckling as he speaks). It doesn’t feel pity or a mortal fear. D’ya get what I’m doing? And it absolutely will not stop ever until you are d- D’YA GET IT? It’s Terminator! Terminator: Resistance was good though. That was a good game. (mumbles) I want a Burger King Kids Meal. (deep, silly voice) HASTA LA BUMBA BABY. It’s me! The Terminator. Now we all have a lot of fun in the Terminator series of films, but do you know what’s not fun? Smokin’. So if your dad gives you a cigarette, tell him.. ..”Fuck off, Dad.” “I’m not smokin’ today.” “I’m not an idiot.” [Jim breathes deeply, exhales] (quietly) I need to get this thing off my head.. Ahh! …(chuckling) I genuinely need this thing-
Camerman: Oh! Okay! (laughs) [“Stress” by Jim’s Big Ego]

100 thoughts on “The Fucking Terminator (The Jimquisition)”

  1. I've watched that intro of Jim stumbling around with tinfoil on his head while the Teminator theme plays four times in a row and I still haven't watched the rest of the video

  2. the best part is that the DLC skins for the terminator and sara conor in Gears 5 had smaller hitboxes whether by visual effect or actual character border, making them extremely popular is higher level competitive play across the game modes.

  3. …so the shit kids were doing in the halls of the school I work in were Fornite "dances"? Thought they were having some kinda fit.

  4. I think we can all be honest and say that while T:DF wasn't a great movie, it was at least enjoyable and the best Terminator film since T2. Am I right?

  5. A Physics Professor

    We pay to advertise all the time, Jim. My truck has a RAM symbol. My shoes have a symbol, pants, hat, shirts. How about all those women wearing stuff that says "pink" on it?

  6. FrederickApollyon

    Oh wow. Paid commercials in games made for fucking casuals? UNTHINKABLE! Almost as if casuals weren't a mindless flock that will pay anyone for anything. Of course any sane person will use that to their advantage. Where's the problem with that?

  7. Looool I use to have that same figure and it sure glow in the dark or it was a two piece suit that you could put him in and the suit that glow in the dark, can't remember well.

  8. As someone that knows very little about this new Terminator movie aside from it existing and being terrible, why does the REV-9 have a giant empty hole in its head?

  9. Terminator dark fate was actually good though. I thought it was good. I see a movie with Stallone or arnold in it and I watch it.

  10. When you are mentioning "billboard games" you should put Payday 2 in your list (Hypetrain, Crimefest…). That game alone would be enough for a Jimquisition.

  11. I remember once upon a time Fortnite was supposed to be a tower defense kind of game with a interesting story…😶

  12. I'm not upset, but what happened to the intro animation and his room with the banner? It's been gone for a while.

  13. awwww buuuuut Jiiiiiim, you have to like dark fate. It has the diversities and all the inclusions and it kills patriarchy.

  14. I'll just throw this out there. Promos? I don't mind one bit. Hell, they want to add a Terminator to Kingdom Hearts then go ahead.

    But to charge for the right to play an advertisement? The fuck…

  15. I was kinda hoping after that cross promotional riff there would be a segway into an ad for raid shadow legends lol wouldve made my day

  16. I dont want fortnite to fail or anything like many want and while i dont like the genre a bunch of people think the game is fun so who am i to say the contrary but everytime i see and ad of the game i get ashamed of being a gamer

  17. It’s awkward to see a movie get heavily promoted across so much media and then the movie ends up commercially bombing

  18. All of Monster Hunter's crossover content is free, and I think that's awesome. If I'm gonna play an ad, I better not be paying extra money to do it.
    Aside from that, there are about 200 cosmetic microtransactions, which is so scummy. It's not P2W, but I've learned from this channel that that's not good enough and my frustration at lacking this content is valid.

  19. Gears is a first party game, it supposed to be there to sell consoles (or Game Pass subscriptions)! Why do MS do this? And make Rare do a live service thing?

  20. honestly i didnt even know there was a new terminator movie until this video, but at least im not confused about why there's a bunch of sudden terminator crossovers

  21. costumer is king. nothing wrong about that. dark fate flopped bad even with the promotion and won't be remembered. but a t800 does not stop raising boners just because a horrible woke movie was made. it's a cool robot. as simple as that. ran out of reasonable things to bitch' about? or was this one just for the funsies?

  22. CentaurForDiseaseControl

    Thought I'd mention that the Terminator also showed up in Deathgarden: Bloodharvest, presumably because they were banking on that one being a break out hit like Dead by Daylight (same devs), but that game fizzled out so much that they dropped the project entirely

    RIP that game tho, I actually did enjoy it a lot, as weird and messy as it was

  23. I like crossovers, cameos and easter eggs pointing to other franchises. What I don't like is exploits.
    For example: Saints row dildo in Shadow warrior was fun, I like the MK characters as well, Duke Nukem's corpse in Serious Sam 2, etc.
    Paying $20 for a skin pack is already an insult it doesn't have to be promotional material.

  24. Bruh the amount of dark fate shilling this past year is legendary. It is possibly the worse attempt at an easy buck I have seen in a while.

  25. For extra fun each gow character has there own power, so there are slight pay to win elements, wonder if there any case said powers are overpowered.

  26. i gotta say for all this crossover crap that was going on how was Terminator: Resistance not really pushed or marketed like crazy. Although having nothing to do with Dark Fate, it would make so much more sense for a Terminator game to be hyped up. Especially since the game is pretty decent, was it an amazing game no. But it was good enough to forgive alot of the faults and enjoy it, especially if your a fan of the franchise.

  27. Oi! Don't you bring SSB into this!
    The entire premise of the game is a playable advertisement from it's very core. And we accept that.

    Meanwhile, all these other games are supposed to be their own thing. Very different situations.

  28. To be honest I think they do it to avoid the scrutiny and criticism of a full released game. I remember back in the early 00's there were a lot of movie games that were a pile of crap. Now they can release content anywhere and everywhere, get the revenue and avoid the broad criticism of a single release. I get the feeling that we'll see a lot more content like this, along with crappy mobile match 3 clones.

  29. The Star Wars rant was on point. Instantly +1 for that. I did not now about all that shit, but then again, Rise of Skywalker leave you wondering a lot about it.

  30. 2:03 – The Supernatural/Scooby Doo crossover was actually good and funny (and made sense in context).

    Normally I skip through the intro, but I’ll always stop for that theme.

  31. The best part is that even after a promotion that obscene, TERMINATOR: DARK FATE still bombed hard enough to kill plans for sequels.

  32. TheAngryDanishViking

    Gee I wonder why there's so many things coming to fortnite…. it's a need for more players so yeah branch out to NFL (sport nerds wanna join in the game!), take terminator and terminator fans wanna join, etc. etc. etc.
    It's why I feel fortnite and all the clones out there should go die in a fire. and they can keep their microtransactions.

  33. There was already a Terminator game in 2019! That some people heard of!

    Why not just use that to promote the new god damned movie?
    Apart from all the reasons already given re: monetisation, of course.

  34. For some reason, the studio which owns the Terminator rights can't accept that the franchise died when Fox canceled The Sarah Connor Chronicles, the best installment in the franchise and, quite frankly, impossible to top. The only way to fix things would be to revive the show in some form. At least give it a proper ending.

  35. "Meth, not even once". Fuck that shit, do all you want, but do me and all other gamers a favor and never ever buy Dlc's or season passes. Saddest part is thats gamers themselves have allowed this situation to happen in first place. Of course they make stupid crossover shit etc. if they someone buys them and sure enough some do. Oh and pre-orders of course, cause why it wouldn't be OK to throw money to million dollar businesses so you can get dlc like item and get to fucking download game before it's launched. Fucking idiots.

  36. "THANK YOU WOOKIE PEDIA, THANK YOU WOOKIE PEDIA FINISHER OF FILMS" I was fucking crying at how funny that line came out.

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